Toxic

One of the basics you look out for in a friend is the ability to listen. Even if they can't give you good advice or actually care about your problems, what you want is someone to just listen and, at best, make you forget what made you have to vent the first place. 

So there's this one person who has been telling me about her issues with life and people around her. Then one day, I get quiet having my own things to mull over and she says "if you ever need to talk, I'll be here". The offer is genuine, I'm sure. 

However the day came when I wanted to talk about a certain idiot we both know, and when I told her that he'd pop up just as suddenly as he left, she just replied "I'm done with him, he played me", and that was the end of it. No room for anything that I might have had to say. 

So what if I wanted to talk about the idiot, even if you got played by him, you can't even let me say what I wanted before cutting me off? 

Well, won't be bothered with all your crap anymore really and I'm not bothered this time around when you're being played again. 

Bye Felicia!

What We've Become

"It's not simple to say

That most days I don't recognize me

That these shoes and this apron

That place and its patrons

Have taken more than I gave them

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true

I was never attention's sweet center

I still remember that girl

She's imperfect, but she tries

She is good, but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy, but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone, but she used to be mine"

One of the songs where lyrics just hit me like a freight train. Brings back memories. Good memories, bad memories. Bring up thoughts. Irritating ones that cannot get out of my mind. I just could not understand what it was about this song that just affected me the way it did until I read a comment on it and realised that it was right on the money about the past and I am not sure if I want to go back to that life again. 

For years whenever I spent my time with an apron on, it always felt as though my time was taken up fully by that place and its patrons. I loved the job. But it also sucked away a lot of life. Finally the last one sucked away a lot more and I had a lot of thinking to do, but I actually did not bother thinking much after. I think I gave up a bit. Just a little, but definitely not fully.

I do not hate my old self. I do not really miss it either. 

She’s Out Of My Life

Once in a while, I come across an article such as this and it brings back memories of a person I would rather say I only have good memories of. However, actions and choices have decided that the final memory would be of her turning her back to me. An action done with such dramatical emphasis that another colleague could notice, and I still do not understand the point of it.

Almost everyone who knows us wonders what happened, and sometimes I wonder myself. I can only tell my side of the story and speculate on her actions. I dare say only one other person would know all the drama as she got the blow by blow reports when the mini drama series happened. Then possibly another 7 that know why the friendship ended.

When I looked back on the "reports" I gave to another friend while the drama queen was having hissy fits, they were probably the little cracks that lead to the big break. However, after a little sharing session at work, it became clear that I had only half of the iceberg. Seems that for years, she was hiding her issues behind her title and privileges. Then with a new job and position, with the lack of opportunity to pull off the tricks she did while running her own show, the cracks started showing. Throwing hissy fits at a very specific time of the month, with nothing to do with PMS. Then finally, the pressure got too much and apparently her mind blew up.

I have always wondered why her attitude changed. If it was the people she now had in her life, her new job position, her slight demotion in job position, the lust for power or some other luxury, or just ego. There was a time when we would just tell each other about anything, even try to figure out other friends by talking about them to each other. She got my back, I got hers.

Then I saw the quote below and realised perhaps the relationship was a little dysfunctional on her end. Also realising that perhaps telling her that I used up my savings for my grandfather’s funeral trip might have been the trigger that set it all off. 

“A healthy relationship is one where two people feel fulfilled by their individual lives and let that joy and sense of fullness spill into their relationship. They each bring something to the table and can comfortably give and receive. A dysfunctional relationship is when one or both people believes the other person can “give them” something or that there’s something to “get” from the other person.”

Strangely enough, I was not sad, but slightly amused at the drama. I was disappointed and frustrated, but her actions took care of making us happy to have her leave. What I cannot believe is her gall at still being friends with my mom, but my mom has her own agenda. 

Not Worth A Post

Once again, I start blogging about something and I get stuck.

Perhaps it is the lack of focus. I feel I am going all over the place and not sticking to the original topic I started off with.

Then again, this is about letting all the thoughts just flow out.

Maybe I just have nothing worth writing about.

Time shall tell.

Rollercoaster 2017

Got to learn more about what it takes to run your own company. 

What not to do, and that sometimes its better to be a little late than jump the gun on certain issues. 

Mighty glad that I did not have to put a cent into getting this lesson. 

Learnt that even the best of friendships cannot last if one side just doesn't want to communicate. 

That an ego has blown up so big that it cannot deflate to ask for help. 

It ended with a big drama which only showed everyone how far into the honey pot your fingers were stuck. 

Made some new relationships due to the job. 

Some might just be work-related but some have already been much more sisterly. 

Glad some of them still think of me after I no longer run the cafe. 

Skilled up on reading people a little more. 

Being a little nosey and asking a bit more is better sometimes. 

The way people treat someone who serves no purpose to them tells you a lot. 

Got to share the menu with a few friends from Australia.

Happy they actually liked the coffee. 

Maybe I should just open shop in Australia. 

Attended some awesome food festivals. 

Try out food from Michelin-starred restaurants & chefs. 

Cook and experiment with interesting new products. 

Saw my niece compete in the SEA Games. 

Learnt that some people have bad sportsmanship. 

Glad my niece is above that behaviour. 

Got to go back to Hong Kong. 

I love Hong Kong Island more. 

Dong Leng Mong Cha Zhao Teem!!!

Australian Invasion part 2!

Great to have them come here instead of always heading there. 

Ate a lot of food all around Singapore. 

Had my dog choke to death right at my foot. 

Pulled out the bit of gizzard he choked on. 

Revived him with some compressions and a few breaths of air without really knowing doggy CPR. 

Back to KL again for a food trip. 

Sometimes family can be so embarrassing. 

Family did not know walking to eat till I came along. 

Full force Christmas Party with an Eurasian theme. 

Half force NYE party with Pizza, Cheese, Pasta & Chicken Wings. 

What a crazy 2017!

Your Intended Audience

Most times, I post things without mentioning certain people specifically, and unless you are really close and updated about my life, most identities still remain a secret.  Sometimes I wonder if anyone really reads this blog and if I should really bother keeping some people anonymous.

The thought above came mainly because of a few recent posts that seem to be targeting someone, or perhaps a few different people, that seem to have disappointed the post owner. However, if the person chooses not to be direct with who they are referring to, just like how I have done here, then it is about time this person learns not to expect much of people.

It gets rather hilarious at the thought of the intended target of the post actually acknowledging it and is clueless too it actual intention. There will be no change or response from the target, and possibly only more anger or frustration from the one posting.

I only wonder when these people will learn that having lower expectations of everyone would be a better option than having post quotes which will never reach their intended target. 

Guess There Was More Food Over The Rainbow Bridge

The sad news came early in the morning that my sister and brother-in-law had to put their sweet goofy girl down as her internal injuries were too much for the rest of her body to handle.

She was a crazy little one that seems to get herself in trouble for her greediness, eating sticks and tearing her throat when she was a pup. Almost killing her then, but her greediness got her out of that one as she obviously had food on her mind more than any pain can stop her.

She stole loaves of garlic bread, slices of pizza, a box with the lava cake in it (yes, all food) and she definitely stole our hearts.

I think she's part python. Other than always willing to eat, she's always trying to keep warm, either snuggling next to you, or lying in your spot after you left the bed, or catching every bit of sun she can get (sometimes overheating).

Oh Shadow girl, what did you go eat this time?

Well I hope you're having a ball with the rest of the doggies, sunning your days away and eating everything you couldn't down here.

Happy Sunbathing "Big Paw"! R.I.P. :''(