Day 30 - Your Reflection In The Mirror

All this while looking at my reflection in the mirror, I really didn't see much change other than the fact that I'm getting older. There was one thing that did catch my eye 2 months ago - the fact that the area across the bridge of my nose, and just on my cheeks seem to have gotten a lot more freckles.

This little discovery also gave me a strange little thought. Somehow I thought about how much I'm starting to look like a Cabbage Patch Kid, and shuddered at the thought as I always found them creepy. So am I starting to look creepy? I hope not.

Well, I don't really spend too much time in front of mirrors, and sometimes my appearance can attest to that. As for a reflection of my character and personality, inner thoughts and all that meditative/therapeutic stuff, I think I've done enough in the past month to flush out a lot of bad crap and open myself to a lot more things that are worth my time and effort.

Anyway, this is the final post for the challenge, and now I'll have to move on to the 31-Day Challenge set by Angie & myself. Boredom at work does wonders.

Day 29 - The Person That You Want To Tell Everything To, But Too Afraid To

That person could probably be reading this blog and I don't know it. I don't even know if the person bothers about me as much as I bother about them, and I think maybe that's the reason why I would feel this way about that person. 

It definitely takes a lot of trust, and I'm not one to trust many people, especially since my trust in some people have been shattered a few times from a very young age. Thank goodness my trust in my family hasn't been damaged, or I'd probably grow up with a lot more problems that I have. 

But as I've mentioned before in a previous post, trust is a very big issue, and I still don't know if I'm willing to open up all the way to that person. Then there's also the issue about having that person being willing to listen to what I've got to say.

Maybe when you're willing to listen....

Day 28 - Someone That Changed Your Life

That person will probably be shocked to find out, but I might as well say it as there's only good things that can be said here. That person is Amy Tan, not the famous local author, but one of my best friends. If it was not because of her, I'd probably be a lot more messed up than I am, and probably more narrow-minded as well.

As I probably wrote time and time again, it as some late night chatting over then internet that got us closer than we previously were in school. At that point of time, she also opened my eyes and mind up to Psychology and it's many aspects.

If not for her going through shit in her life and getting through it before I did, then I probably wouldn't have had the support I needed to get through the crap I was going through just after finishing my diploma. Due to her prior experience, she was able to show me that what I was going through was actually rather normal in a slightly abnormal way. Through chatting with her, I realised that typing out my problems, be it to her or into a blog post, helped me get rid of my frustrations.

Another thing I'm grateful for is the fact that she asked to pursue the Psychology diploma. Even if it felt as though it was rather useless in the end, it did make me realise that I might just have another career path, or just gave me another interest to look into. Heh....

THANKS!

Day 27 - The Friendliest Person You Knew For Only One Day

I realised that of the people I have met, the friendly ones usually become acquaintances and that means that they no longer fit the 'one day' description. So for the people that I know for only just one day, that are really friendly, are usually fake. Yes... they're the ones who try to sell you something, or have some other motive behind their behavior. But to know a person just for a day isn't really knowing a person. Seriously even though I've known some of my best friends for years, some of them still surprise me with little insights of themselves I never knew about.

So either I'm the kind that becomes fast friends with friendly people, is too skeptical of really friendly people, or I'm just saying that this topic, to me, is ridiculous. Either way, there's no one that fits the bill with regards to today's assigned topic.

Day 26 - The Last Person You Made A Pinky Promise To

Other than the fact that I don't make pinky promises, I've learnt not tomake many promises so that you can not break promises, and you don't hold yourself back too much because you promised something.

I did make a big promise to Shirley that I would be there for her wedding, and I did it a year before the actual date. So when some course, that the company wanted to send me to, interferred with the dates, I decided to change the dates of the course. 

Anyway, the course will always be there but Shirley's wedding will only be a one time thing.

  

Day 25 - The Person You Know That Is Going Through The Worst Of Times

I guess I can say it's myself, and so I will just rant for a bit.

So I'm feeling rather irritated by this horrible headache that comes and goes, and most likely is affected by my sinuses. The ever-changing weather definitely doesn't help. Then there's the dumb course I've to complete. The course is alright, it's the stupid thing we have to create that's a chore, and all the technical stuff isn't exactly a fun thing to deal with when u have a throbbing headache while trying to think up a simple word and it can't even pop up.

AAAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

Day 24 - The Person That Gave You Your Favourite Memory

There are too many memories to pick to say that one is my absolute favourite, but I definitely have a few that make me laugh every time I recall them.

I think the earliest one was by my first dog, Daisy, who as a puppy, would raise her hind legs as she had her meal. It was a really odd sight to see a dumpy little ball of fur, walk to her food bowl, start eating and then end up eating while doing a handstand. Then one day she did it but ended up losing her balance and flip over instead. And she just rolled over, got up and continued with her routine like nothing happened.

Then came Eddie, who actually got me embarrassed with what he did, but it only makes me laugh now as I cannot help but shake my head at the nonsense he did in school. I was walking on the 4th floor of the school building, talking with someone when next thing I heard was this familiar nickname that only one person ever used in school. Thinking that he was just around the corner, I was looking for him till someone pointed out that the shouting was coming from the parade ground. Then when I finally popped my head over, I see him smiling like andidiot, and waving like he hasn't seen me for a long time - and to think we were classmates then.

Another one came from Adi, and it was in the days when we were working in Park Mall. She just started and I was contemplating leaving. I forgot for what reason or what actually triggered the whole thing, but Adi did some dance, and it had something to do with a bear scratching it's back on the tree. But I forgot who was the bear, and who was the tree, but the dance definitely remains.

Next up is the one with Amy in Bangkok, which was bad in a way, but good as well, as it was one trip that really had a lasting memory. It was the time we went to Dreamland in Bangkok, and not knowing I was standing on the snowman sculpture, instead of a mound of artificial snow, I ended up slipping and falling really hard on my butt. The pain was excruciating and it didn't end there, yet we managed to complete the whole trip and enjoy everything we planned.

Then rather recently was just little bits and pieces, little things people did or said that I found really sweet. One was because I actually slipped and fell at work, and I think YC was trying to make me feel better about it by telling me stories of all his dramatic falls over the years working in the company. From his horrific-sounding 2-storey fall, to his pinball-style fall down a slope, it definitely made me laugh even though my butt was hurting once again.

There was also the one from Eddie when he said he would meet me even if I smelled like chao tou fu, just because I took longer than expected to meet him at the hawker centre at my place. So I was sick and I can't go out feeling all yucky and sweaty, but that little text message did put a big smile on my face.

Another one was actually surprising as I never thought my current manager would be so encouraging and helpful. During the time while I was confused as what to do for the course that the company had signed me up for and just sent out text messages for a bit of help, he was the only one to respond and actually gave something useful. Then even though I joked about going mad, he actually sent an encouraging note that the course would end soon. It was then I realised I actually had a rather cool boss. Hahaha!

Day 23 - The Last Person You Kissed

I don't kiss and tell? Hahaha

Other than my stinky dog... actually I don't really kiss my dog but blow puffs of air onto his head. My sister's dog, however, planted one right on my lips, at the same time poking my lower lip with her super spiky whiskers. It's probably like kissing a seal I guess. Hahahahaha!

Day 22 - Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance To

Up till now,the people I have given 2nd (some even 10th?) chances to have all disappointed me like they did the first time. It's not as though I can read people so well that I know some by just looking at them. Actually some people read so badly that I should just knock my head on the wall for giving them a 2nd chance. So far, there isn't anyone I know who needs a second chance, and for the ones that I have already done so, are better off not given a third one.

I'll give any dog a second chance though.

Day 21 - Someone You Judged By Their First Impression

That would be everyone I've met, and I've got some right, and I've got some wrong. In secondary school, I got one person really wrong, and I got one person quite accurately.

The one I definitely got wrong was Eddie, but as he always put it, "But I cannot help it, he kept following me!" in reference to the first impression of him I got. I just felt he and his classmate were just plain weird, walking up behind me and calling my name, only to have goofy smiles when I turned around. Creepy? Yes. Somehow he managed to get passed the bad first impression and made a better name for himself in my eyes.

As for the person who I got right, well it's not the creepy classmate, but someone in the same class since the first year. She was probably the first person that talked to me on the first day of school, and for that one conversation, I couldn't hear a damn thing she asked me as she mumbled. Even after asking her to repeat herself a few times, she didn't seem to want to give up, while I did. That's when I made up my mind that this person was just plain odd. Along the way, there were a lot of incidents that just reinforced that first impression, and she doesn't seem to want to change for the better. So as in 1994, I gave up.

Day 20 - The One That Broke Your Heart The Hardest

Was probably my sis when she decided that a sleep-over was more important than work commitments. But then it was my work commitment and not hers, so why would she care really. But then it broke my heart because I realised how selfish she was. Live and learn I guess.

Day 19 - Someone That Pesters Your Mind (Good Or Bad)

Somehow the word 'pester' already refers to something bad, so I don't get why one would bother with the bracketing 'good or bad', when it should be something negative. Anyway.....                                                                                                                                                                                                    

The one thing that pesters my mind isn't really a person, but it's errors such as "staffs" with reference to a group of workers, and "stuffs" with reference to a bunch of things. Both words, in these 2 cases, do not require the additional 's'.

Thinking about it, there might be someone that pesters my mind, and he gets involved in my dreams once in a while as well. Though now he doesn't pester my mind as much as he used to, things still are able to trigger a thought or two sometimes. What I really hate is when he's involved in my dreams. I just think that he shouldn't be in the picture as there are much better people to think and dream about these days.

Day 18 - The Person That You Wish You Could Be

That would be me.

Even though I would like to be like my mom in some ways, and career-wise, I wouldn't mind being like my dad in some ways, at the end of the day, I can never be them. I've got my own life to lead, my own path to follow, and I'm living in a different era.

What I don't mind being is a billionaire..... Hahahaha!

"I wanna be a billionaire so freakin' bad, buy up all the things I never had...." 

Day 17 - Someone From Your Childhood

This one I'll dedicate to the person who help me learn, from a very young age, not to trust others too easily. He was one of the people in the group that hung out together in Margaret Drive, where my grandparents used to live. For some reason the two oldest girls of the group didn't really like him, and all the while I thought it was because he was scruffy and sometimes a bit stinky.

Anyway, I found out soon enough why they didn't like him and it was probably because they couldn't trust him. Seems like anything you told him was told to his dad, who seem to want to get involved with everyone's business. So soon enough, it was all strictly games with him, and he was excluded in our 'meetings' or and 'secret plans' we had.

I'm glad he was in my life. 

Day 16 - Someone That Is Not In Your State Or Country

I think I haven't written one about her, and since it will be her birthday on the 29th of this month, I might as well try to figure my Grandma out.

 Joan Marie Lopez, the lady whom I got my middle name from, also known as J-Lo, is going to turn 81, which means she was just 21 when she had my dad. From what I know, she was from Melaka, with a mixed heritage that has some roots in Europe. Her mom had green eyes and red hair (I wonder what line that came from?) and it's probably why my eyes change colour when I get all boozed up. However, from the time I remember, Grandma always had a salt and pepper mop, and her skin colour made her look a little more Caucasian than Eurasian. It's probably the reason why she fits in well in the UK.

She has a sharp tongue, and is probably part of the reason why my sis and I sometimes need to bite our tongues. The other half is probably from my maternal grandfather, who was just as witty and sarcastic as J-Lo. Another thing about her is that she's straightforward and isn't afraid to say what she thinks, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have tact.

It was quite obvious that the death of my uncle, her first son, devastated her. However I don't think it was because of the fact that he died, but more about the fact that she didn't know he was fighting to live, and that during that time, there would have been a least a bit of time to come to terms with what was happening. Well, I understand how she feels as we all didn't really know there was something wrong with my uncle until it was too late.

Since then, Dad has been trying to get them to come back to live in Singapore, however she feels that she has made a home in the UK. Hopefully I'll get to visit her one day over there and get to check out and understand her life even more.

Day 15 - The Person You Miss The Most

Well, the one I miss the most really isn't a person, but is actually my first dog Daisy. She was brought into the family in 1989, just few months shy of a being a year old, and quickly wormed her way into our hearts. She was so small that she could fit right on my dad's hand, and would sleep right behind me every night to keep warm. It's amazing I never squashed her in my sleep, but I guess she was quick to move out of the way when I had to move.

She grew up to learn a few little tricks, one of which was stealing food. She was stealth and smart. 2 qualities that helped her steal water chestnuts right from under where my dad was peeling them, bak kwa from the plate where my dad would leave them to cool, and almost got to a whole packet of chicken rice but her plan was foiled when the cover of the container popped and caused the plastic bag to rustle.

She also grew up learning never to mess with my mom's endless balls of crochet wool, and in return, claim one of mom's special patchwork blankets as her own.

In her later years, even with her eyes failing her, her nose still helped her navigate through the house, and would be able to sit patiently next to you for one of the chocolate Hello Panda snacks no matter how quietly you opened the pack.

We wondered how long she would live, and then came the night when everyone was home, she howled like she was in pain, and after everyone gave her a bit of attention, she passed away.

R.I.P. Daisy 

7 Dec 1988 - 25 Oct 2003

Day 14 - Someone You've Drifted Away From

There are the few that would fit well into this list and they all came from school. Not counting those that I really can't be bothered to know if they're dead or alive, the 3 people that I would mention are Sabrina, Ai Li & Sudha.

Although all of us are on the same social network, it still doesn't mean that we communicate and know what's going on in each others' life. It also doesn't mean that we don't catch up once in a while, but distance and work has kept us apart, unlike the closeness we shared way back in school or just after.

Would it be beneficial to reel in these people? I would think the 3 of them are alright. As for those that have drifted away on bad terms, I hope they stay far away in the ocean, and totally out of reach.

Day 13 - Someone You Wish Could Forgive You

The ruler of the universe?

Honestly, there's probably a few people who think that I should apologise to for something I've done. However, if I think that I was wrong, I'd have already apologised or at least try to sort the issue out. If I didn't, then it's either supposed to be a joke, I don't think I was wrong to do what I did, or it's the truth that probably hurts.

There are times when I regret what I've done, but then sometimes it's decisions that just turned out to make things worse, and mainly it's during work. However, I don't think I need to seek forgiveness for the decisions I make at work anyway.

Day 12 - The Person You Hate Most/Caused You A Lot Of Pain

Is the same person I was blogging to when I wrote this post. He was someone I knew from work, that became a really great friend, and then he just changed till even his parents couldn't recognise the person he was any more.

I still love the things we did, and the good times we shared. But I guess that's never ever going to happen again - at least not with him.

Now every time I hear these lyrics, it just reminds me of the good times:

"Does he watch your favorite movies

Does he hold you when you cry

Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts

When you've seen it a million times

Does he to sing all your music

While you dance to purple rain

Does he do all these things like I used to

Can you promise me if this one's right

Don't throw it all away

Can you do all these things

Will you do all these things

 like we used to"

Day 11 - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

This one is easy, that person would be my paternal grandfather. As he died before I could even make have a proper, recallable memory in my mind, he died of al the complications associated with the health issues he had. I'm not trying to be vague about what has happened to him, but it's more a fact that I don' know what he really died of. One minute I hear he died of complications related to diabetes, and the next it's cancer. So well, I guess I've got cancer in my genes, as my uncle died of one form as well.

Well other than finding out about what's in my genes, and the potential high risk regarding certain diseases, I would've also liked to know more about his side of the family and the history behind it. From what my dad can tell me, he was from Sri Lanka, apparently brought to Singapore because he was part of the British troops. His family were tea farmers and had quite a bit of a plantation going on. Who knows, I might be actually related to Dilmah?

Another thing I found out was that he was good with sewing and cooking So maybe my sis and I just didn't get our interests from our parents, but it could have been higher up from the family tree.

So much things to learn with no one to give my the answers.

Day 10 - Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like To

I don't feel like there's anyone that I don't talk to as much as I'd like. If I don't talk to you as much as you like then.... TOO BAD! MWUAHAHAHAHA!

So I'm not one to really talk to you unless I really trust you enough to let you know what's on your mind. Plus half the time, I end up listening to people more than talking. 

Well I guess maybe there's one person that I haven't been talking to often enough - Mandy. Most of the time she's doing her own thing, only seeking me out if there's a problem or if it's high time we met up. Well, I guess it's about time we met up again. 

Time for a text message. 

Day 9 - Someone You Wish You Could Meet

Of all people, I know I don't want to meet people from the political scene. I just don't really get politics, and I would think I would just stare at them blankly if I were to have a conversation with anyone such as MM Lee or Barack Obama. 

I think the few celebrities I would like to meet are Jamie Oliver, Curtis Stone, Oprah Winfrey & Ellen Degeneres. Among the 4... probably Curtis Stone, just because he's cute and can cook. Hahaha!

I wish I could also meet someone who would help me set up my dream business. Maybe I've met this person or persons and not really know it yet. I do know some people have been showing that they just might be the ones. 

Guess I can only know when the time is right, if ever!

Day 8 - Your Favourite Internet Friend

At one point in time I had a few people who I would chat with online quite often. They were from the other side of the world, or sometimes even a few countries away. Then work took time away from the computer, and the communication that kept these friendships going lessened.

There were a few people that still kept it going through all the new networking sites that popped up, and there's one lady which has always made me laugh from the first time we made contact. Ms Fancy Crayons, aka Kay, is one hilariously bitchy person that reminds me of myself, especially when we're pissed of with stupid people. Her son is also part of the package, and he's growing up to be as sassy as her. She's one cool mom, and I hope that I'd visit them when I finally get to visit the US.

If You See Kay, Can You Tell Her That I Love Her.....

Day 7 - Your Ex (Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Crush)

I'll go ahead and pick "Your Ex Crush" as today's topic as I don't really have the other two to even start with. I do find the topic a bit strange as crushes tend to be just infatuation from a distance for me, and I can't really be bothered to find out more about the person like their birth dates and who knows what else people dig for.

Anyway, since crushes come and go, and I've already blogged about some on day 2 of this challenge, I don't really have much else to write. Sometimes it's just something a crush did that just blew out the flame... and some just come back to haunt you years after you've long forgotten them.

That's Life. 

Day 6 - A Stranger

How can I really write about a stranger if I don't really know the person?

Well, this challenge was set by someone who is a stranger to me, even until now.

Strangers can come up to me and tell me their life stories.

Strangers usually come up to me to ask for directions.

So other than the few facts above, a stranger is just someone you haven't really gotten to know, or you could call someone you haven't seen in a long time one.... which reminds me, I've got a few strangers I know. Do I want to bother getting in touch with these people? Not really. They're probably strangers for a reason, and the reason is that they're not worth keeping in touch with. The other reason would be that they owe me money and have decided that running away from the problem is better than facing up to it.

Oh Well.....

Day 5 - Your Dreams

My dreams can be rather weird and full of crap sometimes, and sometimes they even give me deja vu. Then there are a few that are so emotional that I end up waking up angry, or really sad, with tears in my eyes. Apparently dreams are formed while the brain reshuffles information around as we sleep and so it's supposed to be a reflection of what we've been through. I do wonder how I can dream about things and have them come to life a few months down the road, even though in the dreams, they're just like a movie trailer with short takes of one event all transitioning into a 3 minute clip. Or maybe I've been to the future and not know it? Hmmm.....

Day 4 - Your Sibling

I've only got one, and she was a bitch to me during the younger days, but I guess time has given us some sense of maturity and compromise.

My sis, who takes on most of my dad's character and interests, was slightly more of a tom-boy during the early years. Even now that's she's grown out of the boyish looks, she's still quite interested in motorcycles & fishing like my dad, but she's also quite good at sewing, which is my mom's forte. After learning all the tricks in school, she's teaching mom a few neat ideas that's beneficial to me!

So now she's in Australia, trying to earn a permanent residency there, with hopes that my parents would have a choice to go over there one dad retires.

Fingers Crossed

Day 3 - Your Parents

My parents, according to a lot of people, are the best - which I wholeheartedly agree, and would also include that I'm lucky to have them.

One thing it's because they never put pressure on my sis and myself to score the top in class or in the school, and were satisfied as long as we completed the basic requirements of school. Then the choice was ours when it came to deciding which school to attend, and finally what course we wanted to take, always with the thought that if they chose the path for us, we would most likely fail because we might just dislike the subject matter. So if we choose the path, and fail, it's our fault... see how cunning they are? :p

Then when it came to curfews and freedom, it was just a simple phone call to let them know roughly how late we might be back that would settle any pending arguments about "how late it is to still be out and about town". Then they're also a call away if we ever needed cash to settle a late-night taxi ride home.

It also helped that I'm huge and could possibly injure someone by sitting on them, and that my sis could, and would, definitely throw a punch if the need arises.

As the saying goes, money isn't everything, and it has been proven by my parents who gave us the best childhood even though my dad had to have two jobs at one point, and my mom had to juggle finances very carefully. Now because of that, they have enough saved up to get whatever is needed and splurge once in a while.

LOVE YOU BOTH!

Day 2 - Your Crush

I could say I had one in every school I went to except for the part-time course. Guess it's good that it didn't continue to every workplace I went to as well.

Thinking back to all of them, I couldn't think of anything similar between any of them except that they had dimples.

Apparently dad had dimples as well, and maybe it's something about "looking for something similar to the first man in your life" thing.

So if you have a cheeky smile that causes dimples to appear, don't be surprised if I happen to start getting interested in you just a little bit more. :P

To Alex Loh & Javier Tan

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

I don't have a best friend as I've always told everyone, but I do have a handful which I could label as such. Even in school, I came across some of them in really odd ways, sometimes only getting close to them after leaving school. For the ones I found in school, I think the only one that was rather instant was Airol. Even though I felt he was too flamboyant before I even got to know his name, he turned out to be one of the strange ones that just fit the criteria. It also had to partially do with the amount of crap we went through to get our projects done. He's the one who is either asking me out to enjoy life, or the one enjoying it with me.

Amy I didn't really notice at first, probably because she was quiet, and spoke Mandarin more than English. So during primary & secondary school days, I veered towards the non-Chinese more as my Mandarin was crap (and it still is). Then it was some midnight chit chat over the internet that seem to help us understand each other, as well as help me understand some really interesting facts about the human mind. She's the one who keeps me sane.

Then there's Mandy, who was sort of the outcast in the class of outcasts we were in. I'm not sure what her history was in the Hua Yi primary, but when her school joined Queenstown, the other students from Hua Yi seems to have something against her. Then as I still cannot remember the majority of my primary 5 life, I cannot remember how, or why, I started talking to her (because I'm sort of a loner in the corner) although I do remember doing some projects with her. She's the one who's bringing me back to my roots.

Shirley was sort of similar in a way that she was bullied in some way in primary school. I don't recall her from kindergarten, but I do remember her from the very first day of primary school, and one really disgusting classmate that still can gross us out after 20 years. She's the one who keeps the childhood memories alive.

The strangest one I got to know is still Eddie. I got to know about him even before I was in the same class, and it wasn't a very good first, second or third impression during the first 2 yeas in secondary school. Even when we were in the same class in the 3rd year, I still wasn't that close as I still stuck to the few from the previous 2 years. It seems Eddie is the one that I didn't have to bother getting to know better as he's almost a mental replica, and the one that definitely is the strength to my weaknesses.

The latest addition would be Angie, the one that I was never really close with in school. Firstly, we both hung out in different groups, that had some people disliking each other. Oh the drama! Well, finally got to talking with her and realise that we're both allergic to stupidity. The joy of bitching at work to relieve stress is shared with her.

Then there are the few people I met at work that have become one of the few best friends, mainly because we probably have the same hatred for our superiors. Adi was the one who I got close to because of a certain bunch of people in the first outlet we worked in. Due to their positions in the outlet, they usually bullied the new staff, and if they didn't like you, they'd try to bully you into quitting. So well, since I didn't really like them, and Adi was new, I sought her out for my sanity at work. Good thing was, the friendship didn't stop there and it worked out really well with a lot of music, dancing and singing. She's the one who keeps me up-to-date with entertainment, or she's the entertainment.

Next one was Yana, who I met while working at the bird park. She was more like a mentor and thought me a few tricks, but mainly shared a similar dislike for the boss who was quite an idiot sometimes. I think she's still the only one who can be bothered to twist that hatred into something good for herself. She's the 'Si Fu' that thought me to put theory into practice, and I'm grateful for that.

Another new addition would probably be Yau Ching, even though he talks more than he listens. He's probably the one who has the most similar work-mind, and there would be a few more things from his mind that I won't mind tapping. His ideas can be a little out of this world sometimes, which can be rather entertaining to listen to. However, there are times when his ideas could possibly be done given time, effort and finances. He's the one who brings inspiration and drive when everything in the world seems to hold me down.

Just one more and I'll need my toes to count them.