"It's not simple to say
That most days I don't recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl
She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine"
One of the songs where lyrics just hit me like a freight train. Brings back memories. Good memories, bad memories. Bring up thoughts. Irritating ones that cannot get out of my mind. I just could not understand what it was about this song that just affected me the way it did until I read a comment on it and realised that it was right on the money about the past and I am not sure if I want to go back to that life again.
For years whenever I spent my time with an apron on, it always felt as though my time was taken up fully by that place and its patrons. I loved the job. But it also sucked away a lot of life. Finally the last one sucked away a lot more and I had a lot of thinking to do, but I actually did not bother thinking much after. I think I gave up a bit. Just a little, but definitely not fully.
I do not hate my old self. I do not really miss it either.
