Nearly Saved By The Cheesecake

Went out for dinner with my mom today and we decided to try something new. What a big mistake it had been! With all the press the place had been given, it makes you think who they hired to impress the critics. That or if the critics were paid to put praise in their columns OR the critics aren't to be trusted any more than your anorexic-looking friend.

First off, they put a nice little printed sign saying that they don't serve water for free, which was fine by me, knowing the amount of free-loaders we have in this country. That's another subject I could go on about another day though. Back to this cafe.... When you don't serve water and your customers order drinks, wouldn't you speed up the service on drinks, churning them out a.s.a.p.? Apparently it didn't only happen to my table as another couple had wondered why they were halfway through their cakes while their drinks haven't arrived. When we did ask the drinks to be served first, it took about 5 minutes before 2 glasses of Coke Light were brought to the table, no cans in sight. I won't even complain about the size of the glasses, but I will, though, about the fact that they served Coke Light in a glass when they clearly show the little cans in their display. I don't get that part. Do you honestly want to save about half a can for your own consumption or the next customer? Drinks are one thing that people make tons of money off. Truth be told, a can of your favourite soft drink costs less than half the amount you pay for in the average supermarket. So marking it up to about 5 times it's actual cost would still somehow not be enough to cover your running costs that you have to scrimp and save by pouring out 2 measly glasses of it instead of just serving 2 cans. Good thing they didn't do the same when we ordered our second round of Perrier and their supposedly "bottled mineral water" which turned out to be distilled water. Well if anyone needs a cheap refill for their car's battery, you know where to get it, though I think you could get a cheaper bargain at the supermarket.

I won't bother with the service of the staff there either. I'll just imagine it was their first day there and they were fresh out of school. I would say that they need an attention span implanted or a hearing aid though. Don't even think of saying they were understaffed either. I know what it's like being understaffed and that situation was DEFINITELY NOT! (yeah I know who's nodding their heads in agreement right this very second....)

Now about the food. First thing that arrived was the pumpkin soup that tasted strangely like dhal that had been put through the food processor. It had tasted more like a light curry, with hardly any pumpkin in it. It also had the cutest little HALF bun that the pigeons below my block of flats would love. Somewhere along the line (I must have fallen asleep), Mom's kebab was served and it looked really nice, but the salad looked more like a garnish. Overall that was alright but it was sooo dry she actually finished her drink before her food, which in all my memory, has only happened once before and it wasn't a pleasant meal either. Yes, the dish was dry. They had that little bit of salad dressing and that's the only moist thing on the plate. No sauce for the kebabs, or anything on the rice and she finally took some stew from me to make it go down easier. The Irish lamb stew I had looked really yummy, served with a WHOLE bun, until I prodded at the yellow lump of mashed potato that sat on my plate like a rock in a zen garden. It was baked mashed potato that tasted, and had the texture, of the wafer flowers on top of birthday cakes I had before I hit puberty. The most disappointing part of the whole dish was that they couldn't even heat it up correctly, serving me a portion which was still cold (probably still frozen) around the bone. When they got it all nice and hot for me, they did give me another portion of wafer potato but forgot that my cutlery was taken away. I didn't even bother then and just proceeded to use my mom's fork since she was done.

Finally hoping that their dessert might be the saving grace from the crappy experience, we each got a cake to share. Since the majority of publicity around this cafe is centered on their award-winning cheesecake, what else should you choose for dessert? I had initially wanted their chocolate mud cake but they sadly ran out and so I opted to try their tiramisu. The cheesecake was light and not overly rich, which was pleasant but I think the award was given out by a horse as the base, made of oats and walnut, seem to overwhelm everything. The cheesecake could've saved the day if not for that healthy alternative of a base. After a bit of miscommunication and errors, the tiramisu finally got the table, served on it's side. Rather odd way of serving cake but to each company their own. After my first bite of the cake, the words that came out of my mouth were "Here, have some coffee cake." If you think that a tiramisu is like coffee cake anyway, then you're not on the right track. Tiramisu, rather roughly put, would be layers of cheese, cream, biscuits and spongecake that have been infused and soaked in coffee and liqueur. Coffee cake, on the other hand, would be layers of cream and sponge cake, flavoured with coffee. The latter, ladies and gentlemen, was what the tiramisu presented itself to be, as well as tasted like. Dry sponge and cream, with an added layer of cheese just to justify the name. As usual, the bill came faster than anything that was served during our dinner.

All I can say is

this is one Secret Recipe that I will NEVER want!