Worn Out

Funny how things reveal themselves when u can't figure the problem out in your head. For me, it was listening to a song to make me realise why the hell I've been so down and out the past week. At first I thought it was shouldering the burden of other people's problems as I felt like I didn't want, and couldn't listen, to anyone anymore. Even after I griped about it, I didn't feel better and something was still irritating me from within. Then listen to a song and everything floods your mind, telling you what's wrong. Reminders of the past pull you back in time, sometimes good, sometimes bad, and in my case, bittersweet.

One song I haven't heard in a long time, one of the songs I was listening to all the time when the situation got bad. Then it was another song that made me realise what is it about this person that is irritating me. And of all the things I didn't expect, I realised I actually missed the good times. I actually MISS the good old days I had - yapping about life on the Palm, watching countless movies, drinking the night away watching people dance weird, walking without care in the pouring rain - stupid, silly, wastes of time that gave my life a big jolt of fun. Fun which I miss a whole lot. Fun no one else has been able to replace.... YET!

I thought I'd be sad, that I miss the person. But no. I don't miss the person, I miss the fun. I'm angry with the person, for all the bullshit and disrespect. I'm glad that you're out of my life just because you won't be able to cause more shit. But I hate that you decided to end a good friendship when it wouldn't have mattered whichever way she entered the picture. But it was your own stupidity that flushed it down the drain and ur stupidity that made the final cut when it was still hanging by a thread.

Now after realising what the problem was, I know where to go. I might even take this advice that came out in yesterday's IS magazine.

""What makes a river so restful to people is that it doesn't have any doubt," wrote columnist Hal Boyle. "It is sure to get to where it is going, and it doesn't want to go anywhere else." Your assignment for the rest of 2008, Libra, is to do whatever's necessary to make yourself fit this description. The nest eight months will provide unprecedented opportunities to turn yourself into a river flowing toward your destiny with surprisingly sublime freedom." - freewill astrology, Rob Brezsny

I shall be the river and take where my life leads me (and I see a lot of travelling involved).