I thought I would fall asleep after taking pills for the crazy nose situation I'm having but it doesn't seem to be the case. My stomach is also queasy and the heat doesn't help either. So I thought I would blog, but I got stuck at looking at updates on the blogs written by some friends. As you can see, reading them hasn't put me to sleep. Instead, I've sat up and decided to blog.
So the few blogs I've read either haven't updated for quite some time, or I've already read the latest posts and commented on them. The one that got me thinking was actually the blog by Shirley. Recently she's been going through a bit of a rough time and it's a bit hurting to read the things some people throw at her in this trying time. Maybe it's the fact that we're of the same age, and aren't married, that I can relate to how she feels. The issue, in her case, is about trying to change her lifestyle, to learn to care for others, instead of just caring for her own self.
I guess for people who have been married, and have children, have a different mindset and style in living their lives. They've already made up their minds, and at least psyched themselves, to take care of someone other than themselves. With the addition of kids, their priorities change once again. The difference, in this case, is that people who have chosen to get married, or have had children, have already prepared themselves. They've taken the time during dating, the time in preparation for a wedding, and the time in preparation for the birth of a child, or more, to get used to idea of taking care of someone else. In Shirley's case, she had to change her mindset in an instant. People like her, who are just trying to make a life of their own, to try and take care of themselves would get overwhelmed with the idea that they suddenly had to think of someone else's life above their own. Furthermore, with people who don't understand her situation insisting she be the perfect caregiver in an instant, it WILL definitely take a toll on her. Seriously, even the maids that people can hire have received training before they're even put up as one of the choices.
So what if the person is your parent. Unless you've discussed the issue about taking care of your parents (setting mindset to care for others), you won't be able to just go into caretaker-mode with the singale clap. We're human after all, and we have to adapt to change. In my case, I've talked (well mostly joked) to my sis about what will happen when my dad decides to retire. We can talk about it and plan everything, but I know, when the time comes, we would still have to change our lifestyles to suit the changes around us. It WILL take time and it WILL take patience.
It reminds me of the time when my parents were involved in an accident and my sis and I heard about it only after we returned home from school. The first question was if they were alive. After finding out that the most serious injury was that my dad dislocated his knee, I was quite relieved. The second time was when I heard that my dad was admitted to hospital because he had multiple strokes. One of the most worrying times was when mom was admitted into hospital for some unknown problem, but I got a feeling it was exhaustion. The amount of worry that goes through your mind during these times are already enough to get you feeling depressed. Making you think day and night about what to do if that dreaded day comes when your parents are gone.
When you have your own family to take care of, you don't feel as though it's a big deal. Taking care of others is already part and parcel of your life. It's like how my mom takes it in her stride to take care of my paternal grandfather when she first got married, to help take care of her mother when she had her strokes, to take care of her own father when my grandmother died. It seemed like second nature to her, to just be able to take care of her own family, and her parents as well. For us, we had to change and adhere to certain curfews, to do our part to ease trying situation. However, when you're still in a place where you're trying to make a name for yourself, trying to stand on your own two feet, and then have the weight of someone else's world crashing down on yours, it will be very trying.
At the point when my grandmother passed on, I was sort of lucky to still be in school. During this time in my life, school was a priority and I was old enough to go out after without having to bother my mom. It didn't bother the family so much that until it came to going out together. It came to the point where my dad, sis and myself were quite pissed off with the rest of mom's siblings for not even offering to help in caring for my grandfather. As even Shirley put it, maids need a day of rest too. If my uncle and his family weren't free, we would only be able to leave the house after 12 (given grandpa his lunch), and then we would have to return by 6 (so she could make dinner for grandpa). The bad feelings came whenever my grandpa would somehow get himself into some predicament, falling and not be able to get up. The mouthy doctors would say that there needs to be someone with him every hour of the day and no one would say anything but turn to my mom. Somehow mom wasn't as bothered by it as we were, but I guess it's because it's in her nature/mindset.
Basically, this whole thing is about thinking before you speak. You can ask someone to think of others before themselves, but have you thought of them before you opened your mouth? Doctors do it all the time, they talk like people are machines and do things at a touch of a button. Talking is easy. Try putting yourself in the same situation and see how well you fare. Sympathy is not the same as Empathy. People who have not had anyone close in their family die won't understand the hurt that comes with death.
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