Accepting Who You Are

This topic came about while YC was trying to explain to me what the meaning of a certain Cantonese song was about. Basically the song's message was basically to accept the person your born to be.

It brought back a question that was asked to me - "Have I ever made an effort to slim down?". Usually my immediate answer would be no, and actually it's rather true as I sort of accepted my size after a while. But rather than just letting go and eating every damn thing in sight, mom did help bring me up with good eating habits which helped a lot when I had to change my eating habits again after finding out I had diabetes. Anyway, I never really tried losing weight, I just tried no to gain any more, and that helped. Then I don't know how or why, but I shed some bit of me somehow in size, and remained the same weight. So for those who knew me way back, they all wondered how I did it, and so do I really.

What I don't get is people who can't accept the fact that I've accepted myself as such. Seriously it's not easy growing up being one of the biggest people in class, yet I think over the years, the people that have surrounded me have helped me realise that being big isn't always a bad thing. It does help your self esteem when you're regarded as a safety net, to ward off bullies. I never thought of being a bully, and I ended up scaring the bullies away. So there was a good side after all. That's where I found out that it's really not the size that matters but your personality and character. And it was something that was reinforced thoughout the years, which definitely help build up to make me who I am.

Another thing I learnt was that if they can't be bothered to learn about you, their opinions don't matter. For the times when I was rather down in school, I got a call from a classmate, possibly having good intentions, but what she said ended up pissing me off as she didn't know what I was going through. If you called to see how I am and really tried to understand what I was going through, I might have been more open to what you wanted to say. But to call and lecture me on what is right and wrong regarding my absence was just asking me to dislike you more.

Thinking back to the question about losing weight, I was asked why I didn't want to after answering no. At first my answer was just a shrug, and that "I'm used to it". I realised that it's not because I'm used to it, or that I can't be bothered. The actual answer is because I've already accepted myself for who I am, and if you don't like who I am, you can really kiss my big arse for all I care.