Don't Bother Me When U're Drunk

Now if u're out in the club and u're high on alcohol, with just an inkling of what's going on around u, stay the hell away from me unless u want to be the butt of all my jokes, as well and those of my friends. Do not try to get comfy next to me the minute my friends have gone to the toilet or to get a drink, u won't have enough time to finish what u wanted to accomplish before they would get back. One thing u should never EVER do to anyone is look down on them or act like u are... ie. Looking at them and shaking ur head. That is so bloody rude. So since u've been rude, it's time for me to do he same to u.
If ever u happen to have so much intestinal fortitude as to do the above-mentioned no-nos please at least have the decency to speak properly and not slur. Plus say it out loud cos it's a bloody club and I can't hear shit if u decide to whisper into my ear to save what's left of ur pride. If u do not have an American accent, don't try to imitate.

1. It doesn't impress me, more like turn me off.
2. U'll sound stupid.
3. U can't pronounce properly, givng u the problem of repeating urself.
4. By repeating urself, any chance of sounding suave will just die the 2nd time ard.

Next move u make should be to leave even if u haven't accomplished what u intended to do when u see my friends coming back. Don't be surprised and try to act cool when they stare at u with their "who the bloody hell is this joker talking to u?" face.

1. I don't know u, and they don't either.
2. I don't wanna know u and neither do they.
3. I won't introduce u cos u're a bloody "Laahhooo Seeehuuuurrr!"
4. U didn't care to introduce urself in the first place dumbnut.

If it's ur first time in the club, don't think u're cool just cos u seem like u dress the part. U're still a wannabe and we can spot u before u enter the door. Next mistake is to think u're the phunk master and that u know how to read people by the fact that they're on or off the dancefloor. I might not be up there but it does not mean that

1. I'm not having fun.
2. I'm tense.
3. I'm not into the music.
4. I'm there for the first time.
5. I need arseholes like u to tell me point 1 to 4.

If I don't like the club, I won't be there in the first place. If I'm tense, it's cos I haven't had enough alcohol to deal with dumb arses like u. If I'm not into the music, it's a lie to get u off my back. If u think I'm there for the first time, then u better not try to get me on the dancefloor cos I'll be dancing circles around u that u'll get dizzy! If u think u're the phunk master then try impressing me with whateva moves u have. Since u don't wanna get up on the dancefloor, don't try to be Mr. Cheerleader and encourage people to get up there. Take up the challenge u set upon ur victim then they might think better of ur lame-ass excuse of a pick-up. And once u're sober, read point 5.
Finally, don't try to come back a 2nd time, when my friends leave again, to redeem urself. I think the best think u can do is wrap urself in toilet roll or get out of the club and home into ur shell.
Do ur ears tingle drunk Chigger??