To Criszean Tan

To Mandy Kaur

Get On With It

As one of my number one pet peeves is for someone to call before 12p.m., my second one to that is for the person to find out that I was sleeping before I answered the call, and then attempt to get me to go back to sleep by saying they'll call back later. Just continue the conversation and get on with it.

After you woke me up by making my phone ring, don't tell me you'll bother me again at a later time as you already have my attention. I've already managed to grab the damn phone, spot who is calling me (which means I do reject some people, which means you've already got priority if I answer, which means your call better be worth my damn time!), hit the answer button, and grunt my greeting - that should indicate to you that I'm awake enough to listen to what you have to say. With that in mind, don't beat around the bush and just get to your point. Seriously why do you care why I'm still sleeping at that hour? I've got nothing better to do, so I might as well rest, and if it was the day I fell sick, I wasn't even awake for more than 3 hours in the whole 24 hour period. Yes I can hibernate like a bear....

Now touching on being well-rested, I guess the lack of it was part to blame for me getting sick, other than the person (yes... you... Mr Yong) coughing in my face. So if you do find out that I'm not well, then either don't ask me to run an errand, or just go straight to the point and ask if i could run an errand, but DO NOT ask me to go back to bed and rest because you ALREDY WOKE ME UP!

Now I probably will get myself out of bed after ending the conversation with you, but I might have to head back to bed later because you interrupted my sleep. If that's the case, the reason why I won't allow you to call me later is so that you won't wake me up again, interrupting my much-needed sleep. 

Case Study WK001

It seems that 'the client's' reaction towards the departure of a certain colleague has been rather negative. Emotions shown have thus far been anger, fear and disappointment. Further investigations have revealed that the client is concerned about the job security of the aforementioned colleague, and fears that trouble might arise in the future if the colleague decides to return to the old team. Also, with reference to a previous  incident with another colleague, there is a slight fear that this colleague might back out of the contract, requiring the client to clear up the situation. Is this out of concern?

Anger seems to be focussed towards superiors, insisting that they are "up to no good" and "trying to pull a fast one" on the colleague. Possible paranoia? Could possibly be unhappy about the fact that his opinion was not asked of before they spoke to the colleague, disrespecting the client's position at work. Slight disappointment can be observed with regards to the colleague for not seeking the client's opinion before agreeing to the new contract. More importantly, the client is not too happy that they decided to get this colleague only as a last resort, instead of a first choice. Could this be the reason this issue is festering?

Another issue the client has brought to my attention is how the new location for the colleague seems to fall short of the client's expectations. Compared to other companies, the display of products at the new location is pathetic. To the client, Old Chang Kee seems to have a better display of products. Furthermore, the client does not feel that the future plans regarding the new location will really take off as projected by the company. The client feels that the company needs to gain better standards, and create better products to gain the clientele it needs, however the company lacks a good chef.

To be continued...

Never Make Me Lose My Trust In You

Recently I heard about some things that someone I used to work with had said behind my back. It made me think of the time when some people exploited the information that I gave them, using it against Adi to create trouble. I guess their first mistake was to use it against Adi, which was how I got wind of what they did, and now I don't trust them anymore. The trust that you gained through years of working together, lost in a second.

Obviously that wasn't the first time I lost my trust in certain people, there's definitely the ones that borrowed money and are no where to be found, and the one person who was just too stupid to try and hide the truth when I already knew everything.

So this bitch decided to tell Y.C. that I would not call when I can't show up for work. The people who have worked with me before will know that's not my style, although if I'm going to be a few minutes late, I won't bother calling as I'll show up at work by the time the call got through - plus I see that it's a waste of time to call and spend the few minutes saying I'll be late when I can use my hands to get dressed faster. Well since I don't really like working with her, it wasn't much of a loss to me if I didn't work at the outlet when she was around. As I believe, Karma's a badass biatch, and she's out of my life.

More importantly, what I don't get is why these people have to try to make others look bad. Would it actually make you look good in other people's eyes? If people found out the lies you spin, then the one at a loss would be the liar in the first place as no one would trust you anymore. Personally I think trust is one thing I really, really treasure - it's one reason I don't have many best friends, the same reason I don't confide in many people about some issues. I don't understand it when some people can not just trust the person they're with and let things be. The other issue is when someone abuses your trust and yet you still stick with the person, yet gripe about how you don't trust him/her - then why stay with the person? Some say people do deserve a 2nd chance, but a 3rd and a 4th is a bit too much to ask for. As for myself, I will only give you a second chance if I think you're worth it.

In the case of the 3 people I work with, I won't bother with the second chance. If you can't even play nice when I don't even threaten your position at work (or do I?), then how would you treat me as a friend? If you're already using and abusing me at work, I won't be stupid enough to want that when we're out of the outlet. So not trusting the 3 of you is rather good as it helps me eliminate more useless people in my life, along with the leeches and the idiotic.

To Kay Rodenwald

To Adi Hamir

To Cassandra Tan

At Least Show You're Worth It

I seriously wonder how thick your skin is when you actually got the cheek to ask for a pay increment when you don't seem to show anything for it. I honestly wonder why Yau Ching actually considers keeping you when all you seem to do is waste our time by not pulling your weight. No thought has to be given if asked why you're still in the similar position even after so many years in the same company - you can't even do the basics expected of a crew, let alone the basics expected of a person holding your position. 

At one point, I thought I was being mean not giving you any respect when I first worked with you, and then not bothering to even get to know you better. I guess my first impression was right anyway, and I just shouldn't have bothered with getting to know you. 

Here people are trying to push you to better yourself, to at least let you show that you can actually be better than the bad impression that most people already have of you. Your attitude, however, makes it all a waste of time as you seem to just not bother about anything. What's so hard about a simple apology to acknowledge that you've done something wrong, or that it was your fault? Until now, all I heard was you blaming other people for all the things you did wrong. 

You're just lucky you're working with Y.C. because if you weren't, your lame threat about joining another company would have been very good news welcomed with arms wide open. 

Stop And Stare

Once again I happen to fall asleep with my fingers on the computer, probably for about an hour, and then I can't go back to sleep. My eyes are tired but there's that irritating feeling that is just stuck and trying very hard to get out. Music can't seem to help with sleep but it's making me cry for some odd reason. I really wonder if I'm still secretly mourning my grandfather's passing, or is it the fact that I'm just thinking of all the loved ones I miss because they are no longer with me.

Could it possibly be stress? I've been wanting to get away for some time but haven't been able to. Would that even help? It's just like running away from the problem for that short period of time and then it's back to square one when you get back to reality. Then there's the stupid diabetes I've got to get under control or else I've got to inject myself daily when I can't even prick my own finger just to do the blood test.

I need to talk, but if I don't even know what is bothering me, how am I going to get anything out? Seems like all I can do now is stare at the music list, even though my eyes are seriously hurting just to edit this post.

A Person Of Interest

I don't know what is it about this person but I think I feel comfortable talking about anything and almost everything, BUT I don't trust the person just yet to open up as I would to Amy & Adi. Somehow there's this odd feeling that if I were to let this person in on what's bothering me, I think that it's going to be safe. Yet I have this strange feeling that some information might accidentally leak out to certain people that should not know.

Maybe it's the little bit of 'like-mindedness' that has once again pulled me towards this person? Could this person end up being another one of my handful? Hmmm....

Criminal Intent: True Stories From Changi Prison by Wong Kim Hoh

One thought came to mind once I finished the book, "I want more!" Although it probably was rather tough for the author to sit through interviews with some of the prisoners, 12 stories in the book was just too short. I'm not sure if he couldn't get more interviews, or that these 12 stories took up so much time that they were all he could compile by the dateline (if he had one).

Even though each person has their own reason that led them to committing the crimes, there seems to be a common issue among all of them - the need for love and support from family (though sometimes it's just in their own heads). Now I'm wondering if the lack of support from her family might lead someone into Changi Prison? Oh My......

To Yeo Ai LI

Thank You For Your Concern But....

Just like you turn to certain people when you have issues, so do I. There are people I know who understand my point of view, who would instantly understand why my emotions run high concerning certain issues. To put it more clearly, I don't just have one person I talk to about my problems, I have 2 I can trust not to blackmail me, and 1 I'm now considering to be part of the pack. For those of you who think that my mom is one of them, you've got it wrong. Even though I do tell her the more mundane and ridiculous things some people do that irritate me, she won't understand where I would be coming from regarding certain issues and all that would do is piss me off more. 

There's also one major thing when I decide to let you in on what's bothering me - TRUST. If I don't trust you, why would I tell you anything? So one might think that I would be contradicting myself as I post some of my issues here, but what you don't realise is that I've already bitched about the issue to the people I trust, and what is on here has gone through quite a bit of censorship.

For one person in particular, I would have to apologise and say that I'm grateful for your concern, but the problem lies with me - that I can not talk it out when I'm at the point of killing someone. Yes, you're the person I'm considering as my 3rd confidant, but I guess there might still be quite a while to go before I trust you enough. It's just that at this point, I'm not sure why I'm so comfortable talking to you about certain issues.

As for the people who have your own problems to attend to - don't bother about me. If you can't bear the weight on your own shoulders, don't try to take on mine. The reason why you started talking to me in the first place was to gripe about what is bothering you in your life. Even the niceties exchanged during the initial part of the conversation were just so that you would know I was actually paying attention to you. Even if during the conversation, you decide to ask me about my life, don't take it too seriously if I tell you I need a break. As time and time again, just maybe with the exception of the past 2 weeks, my problems tend to fix themselves. Or maybe you should realise that the break I need is actually from people like you,

To Airol Slamat

8 Gifts That Cost Almost Nothing At All

I spotted this in the gas station's toilet...of all places to spot something nice and thought-provoking:

1. THE GIFT OF LISTENING:

But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.

2. THE GIFT OF AFFECTION:

Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

3. THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER:

Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

4. THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE:

It can be a simple "Thanks for your help" note or a full sonnet. A brief, hand-written note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.

5. THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT:

A simple and sincere, "You look great in green," "You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day.

6. THE GIFT OF A FAVOUR:

Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.

7. THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE:

There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

8. THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION:

The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, really it's not that hard to say, "Hello" or "Thank You!"

So what gift have you given today?

To Cheyenne Goh

Why by Yin

The reason I looked out for this book was because someone recommended it to Adi, and while I was browsing through bookstores, Adi would be searching for it. So when I came across the book, I didn't think of purchasing the book, but the summary at the back got a hold of my interest and I ended up getting it.

Reading through the book, my first thought was that the author's first few chapters seem to reflect the way I am when I'm angry. She questioned a lot of things when angry, and looking at my blog posts, especially some recent ones, it all seemed rather familiar.

Overall the book has a few good insights into counselling, but it didn't evoke as much emotions as "Tuesdays With Morrie", or even "Marley & Me". Then there were certain parts which I could just read in a flash as it started to seem repetitive, and on other parts, uninteresting to me. The book, however, did give me a bit of insight into why some people have to keep talking about their problems. Plus it made me wonder what I'd do if I found out that one of my besties decided to attempt, and end up committing, suicide.

I probably would be angry, maybe with my friend, but most likely with the person whom I felt pushed them to the point of doing so. Honestly, at this point of time, I only got 2 people on my mind who might actually end up going in that direction. Other than the initial shock of getting the news, if I even get the news, I'll most likely get angry about it, then probably get over their death and move on. I'll definitely end up missing them once in a while, and possibly wish that they were still alive at certain times.

Honestly, I don't know why I think I could get over their deaths that quickly, but maybe it's the fact that I've been through so many deaths in the family that it really is becoming part of life. In all 28+ years, I've learnt to move on through the deaths of 4 family members and 2 well-loved dogs. That's not even counting the deaths of grand aunts and uncles whom I'm not really close with, as well as my paternal grandfather and maternal great grandmother (both when I was too young to remember). Obviously there are deaths of certain people who hit you harder than others, but if the 2 people I think will most likely attempt suicide would really do so, I don't think I will be hit quite as badly as it were to be someone who I never imagined would do such a thing. I guess it's partially the because I'll be mentally prepared for it.

Now it has got me thinking - if ever the day comes when I get such news of my friends, who would I turn to? Somehow I got an idea who, but will that person still be in my life when that happens (if it were to happen)?