Drawing The Line

How can one ever know when the person you treat as your best friend also feels the same way about you? Another thing is, when does a person actually go from being just a friend, to a best friend? Or when do you decide that you should drop the thought of ever meeting up with certain people?

In my case, I never really had a best friend as I couldn't make up my mind. Plus there was an incident where someone actually accused me of getting "a new best friend". This someone wasn't even considered my best friend, and I don't see why she had to say that when I was telling her about the new people I'm getting to know. I guess that's why I take my time in calling people one of my best friends as 'people who matter - don't mind, and those who mind - don't matter'.

The people I would consider my best friends know me enough to know I don't give a shit about too much things. Maybe that's why I have one of the strangest bunch of people in my besties list. However, not everyone with a quirk can easily fit into the list. There are restrictions on whiners, people who are too narcissistic and/or too conceited, the kind that are too depressed, and the kind that ask the questions that are either too stupid that I'd ignore it, or is so stupid I can't answer without making them feel stupid after. Well so I'm being a bit narcissistic and conceited here... but I don't care because this is my blog after all.

Anyway, I personally don't know how many people in my besties list actually consider me in the same way, but I'm fine even if they don't because they're worth the time and effort I'd gladly give to them. I guess it's the 90%-10% balance thing that determines who you'd consider your best freind, or at least I do. I'm sure if someone who doesn't even return 10% when you've given 90% is not worth keeping. While the people I'd call my besties have given back at least 90% themselves.

Now, what I wonder is if some people know that I don't think of them as my best friend, and if some even know that I actually loath going out with them. If you don't know that I don't really care what people think, don't consider yourself my friend. If after 5 years you still can't spell my name right even when I have it spelled out in full then don't consider yourself my friend. If you don't know after 3 years that my ANNUAL Christmas party is held on the 24th of Dec, at the same location, and especially after I told you about the menu, u know the drill. Don't try to send me on the guilt trip for things u can't remember because if I ever find out the truth, the guilt trip you'll be sent on on might kill you inside. Don't try to tell exaggerated stories to try and see how gullible I am, because I honestly didn't bother listening to your bullshit and was just nodding off as my brain took a nap. You people in this last group isn't even worth my 10%, which I rather just keep for myself.

Another Year Has Passed

Rochelle

Another year older & (hopefully) wiser.

Lucky I'm In Love With My Best Friend... Lucky... Arrrrgggh!

Love - how is it that one subject that is supposed to be on the other spectrum of hate can garner so much of it that it starts to frustrate someone?

Well this all started after a car ride listening to the particular song "Lucky" over and over again, that I've got to the point where I find the song and the subject rather disgusting. I would understand how some people say that they're in love with and marrying their best friend. But sometimes too much of a good thing is just not good.

Anyway, getting frustrated about the song and all is another story. What got me thinking was something Mandy said to Eddie this morning that made me realise a few more things about the treasured bunch I have, and all this jazz about being in love with your best friend. I can't remember what exactly Mandy said, but it was about the guy friends I invite to my xmas parties over the years. Then some sort of discussion in between and after narrowing everybody down, Eddie is the only single, available, heterosexual guy that is invited as my friend to the xmas party. That's also to say that he is the only guy that I can attach such labels to with regards to the people in my treasured list. So that's to say that if I should fall in love with my best friend, Eddie would be the only option. Well in this case, I'd say Eddie is the guy after my own heart. As he put it to someone before, I'm a female version of him. I could say I love him to bits as a friend, as someone with very similar interests, but when it comes to being in love with him, I'd say I don;t seem to be swinging in his direction. Plus I really would like to keep it that way as I seriously enjoy what I've got right now.

As for the other guy in the list, the 'problem' with him is that he's homosexual, or at least what I've heard anyway. Although he hasn't told me personally that he is, he's too effeminate for my tastes. Personality-wise, he's like my sister with regards to all the shopping, fashion, and vanity, and too fussy an eater for me to be in love with. As I've told Amy before, I don't care how handsome someone can be, but I can't stand a guy who's has more facial products alone compared to the hair, facial and body products I have in total. Ok, so that's a bit of an exaggeration but when we travel, his toiletries bag is at least twice the size of mine, and I'm not carrying travel-sized bottles of lotions. Anyway, what I love about him is his love for pastas. The man after my own stomach this time?

Then there's the one person that got me thinking really hard. The one person who looks and acts like a guy, but is a girl. Now she's the one that made me stop and really think of a whole lot of "what if" questions. What if she was a real guy? If she was, I think that I could fall in love with this one. Personality-wise, I'd say she has a lot of qualities that are right up there on my checklist. So what's the problem here? Other than having to turn lesbian, nothing really. As with all my other treasures, I love her as well, just that I'd rather not ever cross lines, complicate things, and lose a perfectly great friendship - which reminds me why the song disgusted me in the first place. Somehow I rather keep a great friendship the way it is than try to take it a step further, fail and have the friendship fall apart.

It's rather strange that among the 3 different personalities, they've got a strange mix of masculinity with femininity. Eddie is the man's man that is 'in touch with his feminine side' to a certain degree that girls seem to like to call him up for bridesmaid's duties... or maybe he's just good at entertaining and bargaining? Number 2 seems to have an equal balance of both ends, while number 3 is all female but seriously in touch with the testosterone running through her veins. :P

Merry Christmas One And All!

Hope Santa has brought you all the things you wanted.

Another Reason To Stick To SIA When Heading To Australia

So maybe I'm biased when it comes to the flights I decide to take while on holiday. Other than the miles I gain from my travels, I do like the fact that certain flights do come with your own personal entertainment. However, after reading that another Qantas flight goes into trouble after take-off, it just shows me that sticking to SIA to travel to Australia is a good choice.

25th July

2nd September

7th October

It's the 4th incident within the year, and those are the ones that were reported world-wide. Apparently it is because the airline is using really old planes. Well if that's the case, when will they start changing to a new fleet? Before or after a major crash?

Where Do You Think You Stand?

Some people are better off forgotten, some best if they're out of your life, others just need to show they're still alive, and a handful will be treasured for a lifetime.

In this time where almost everyone you know seems to be on some networking site like Facebook, it's not hard to find out the number of people you know. Just counting the number of people I know through school, and school-related activities, I've already got more than a 80. Add to that spouses that come into the picture later on, and friends of some of those friends you're closer with, and even some family of those friends as well. That adds up to over a hundred people. Then you head out to work and you get a few more people to add to your ever-expanding list. I could say the list is a genuine reflection of the people I know - basically acquaintances.

So now the question is, where do I draw the line in regards to adding people in my life? As proper friends that I would actually bother to spend time with and wouldn't mind keeping contact with that is. If anyone has ever bothered reading everything in this blog, they would probably figure out that I have a my "handful" already narrowed down. The people you love to bits and treat like your own family, and maybe even better than how to treat some of your own family.

Then there is the "general public" which I wouldn't mind setting a day aside to meet up with. They're the ones that I don't see for a rather long time, and maybe distance makes the heart grow fonder, thus meeting up seems to be a good idea at times. Somehow, there are a few of them that I've to be all fake with, and there are some that just irritates the shit out of me at the end of the day. Which leads me to wonder if these I should sometimes even bother going out with these people and just put them in the "just leave me a message" pile - the type that just has to 'update their status' to just show me they're alive.

Amy says I'm too soft-hearted when it comes to people I've made friends with. That I give in to too many people and not shoot them down enough, leading some to take advantage. Problem is, the handful know I've got a sharp tongue, and although I do use it with them, they know better than to do something so stupid as to warrant a lashing. It's just that the people who I end up being really fake with that are the ones that can't take too much sarcasm in the first place, therefore I can't be myself, and that leads to them thinking they've got me wrapped around their little fingers? Vicious cycle!

Sometimes I really do envy the fact that she can just cut off all ties with people she don't want to know anymore. I personally think that every person (and even animals) that steps into your life has some sort of purpose, good or bad. I do agree that cutting people off in your life is a necessity when the person seems to just bring you down in some way. However, I think that I should be cutting off more people and add those that piss me off too many times into the "junk" group. Most likely the people in this group wouldn't even realise that they should end up in the group because they're too full of themselves to start with. Even dating tips tell you that you shouldn't talk about yourself all the time and let the other person get something in once in a while. I think i just found out the reason why the very same people also seem to keep moaning about not being able to find the love of their lives.

Finally, the people who already left an impression but are better "erased out of your memory". The biggest problem with this group is that they've already made a big impact in your life and left such lasting memories that the simplest things can trigger all of them to come back. So I guess I've taken it well enough because there were a lot more good memories than bad, and even though I still hate how the situation ended, I find there's no use in staying angry when I did nothing wrong.

Oh.. and I can't forget the ones that are now just memories, but the ones you'd love to keep in "scrapbooks". The type that you would love to be able to share with the people you know for years to come, the ones who I've loved and lost through death, or maybe just the ones that came in and took my breath away.

Now time to figure out where people fit in my life. Since I'm in the mood for clearing things out, guess it might be good to take a look through and re-categorise the people in my life as well.

Doesn't Matter To Me

There was quite a bit of discussion the day after this piece of news was announced. As usual, there were varied views about how this cooling off period would affect the voting outcome during the general election. However, in my case, it wouldn't matter till MM Lee is out of the picture.

Even at 28, I've never got the opportunity to head to a polling station other than to accompany my mom when she did her part during the presidential election where the late Mr Ong won. For all the years I've been eligible to vote, the president was nominated, and no one ever dared challenge for control of the constituency I live in. Not to say I don't like the place I live in, but I wouldn't mind seeing some political campaigning go on here.

Maybe it's just to feel like you actually live in the same country? I guess the only other people who would understand would be those in the Marina area.

Getting Help Or Just In For The Free Ride?

Was watching a few shows that have been airing on weekdays between 1 and 6 in the morning, and an episode of "Food 911" that got me wondering if some people got themselves on certain shows because they truly needed the help? On this particular episode, the couple being helped seem to be more interested in eating than learning how to prepare it. It just happens that the host of the show brought them out to see how the masters of the trade created their pieces of work. What was disgusting to watch was that instead of taking notes on what the masters were doing, they showed more enthusiasm when the food was presented to them to have a taste. Worst bit was how they devoured the food like such gluttons, stuffing it into their mouths to the point their nostrils flare up just so they can breathe. And that was even before they tried their hands at making their own food. Maybe it's the strict hygiene practices that I've had to follow at work, or it's just the way this couple turns me off, but the way they did things just had me complaining to Amy about it.

Following this show was "Oprah", and it just shows the other end of the spectrum. The people featured on this particular episode desperately needed some help with their homes. Maybe they couldn't afford the home make-overs that was given to them, but the gratitude shown for what they've been given at least gives you an inkling of how much they have wanted, and needed, the help.

Well, if I was to be a bit more skeptical about people, I'd say that some people are really good actors who know how to win over people's hearts and tug at their pursestrings. However, it is not really hard to see the difference between someone who really needed the help, and someone who wrote in, hoping that they would get some freebie off a show. There are many shows that seem to be giving out help to people these days, especially after the economy took a turn for the worst. At the same time, you can see a few people who are writing in just to try their luck to get something. Maybe it's the 5 seconds of fame, or just tickets to watch a recording of the show, but creating a rather lame sob story isn't the best way to do it when there are a lot more people who really deserve the help.

I guess at the end of it all, it's how these people show their gratitude for the help they've been given. Some just take it for granted, as if they deserved to be helped. While the deserving ones always cherish the moment and whatever else that has been given to them.

One Last Breath @ 1043hrs

After going to bed at 7am, I was woken up by my mom's phone going off, and the strange thing was I heard her answer this call in a particularly sombre tone. Thinking it might be one of the stupid telemarketing people calling, I rolled over and dozed off. Mom came in a while later and asked if I'd like to follow her to the nursing home where my grandfather was staying in. Thinking it was another small issue, I just grunted my no. Then she followed the request by "Ah Kong dying already", to which I just grunted. I was still too tired to even turn in bed to ask her why this time it would be for real.

Still smooshing my face into the corner of my pillow, my thoughts started churning, and with all the calls that kept my mom's phone ringing, I couldn't sleep anymore. I was seriously considering sleeping in a little more, just to not see my grandfather take his last breath. However at the same time, I could not just let my mom go alone. She asked me to go, and there was a reason for it. With the thought in my head that it was better that he died, I rolled out of bed and changed to go out with mom.

Walking into the nursing home, we were asked to go straight up to the room without even having to sign-in, but with the elevator taking its time, I managed to get our details down even before it arrived. With the policeman outside a room, I was guessing that my grandpa had been moved from his usual spot. True enough, he was in the isolation ward, and we were greeted first by the policemen and EMTs. As mom went in first, I was still looking at everyone when I saw mom stop in her tracks, and jumped like she was shocked by something. I was still looking for my grandfather when I realised what had shocked my mom - laying on the bed was my grandfather with a blanket pulled over his head. Everyone didn't seem to know how to approach us until mom asked when he was pronounced dead.

Finally realising that we were not going to go into hysterics, everyone just went about completing their paperwork, taking their leave as they were done. Soon the doctor came in to certify him, and get all his paperwork done. I guess they aren't used to people looking them straight in the eye in this kinds of situations. Most probably they were expecting people who broke down and cried.

I guess after 4 family members and a dear pet dying, you end up crying another day. Or maybe it's just that this time, we were kinda waiting for him to take his final bow.

Bye Bye Ah Kong. Thanks for EVERYTHING you've given me in my life lessons.

I Think I'm Done

Well, I guess I'm happy with how the blog looks. It's simple enough and shows exactly what it's all about.

Now all I have to figure out is how to change the background for my travel blog.

Starting Your Life Together Cursed By The Neighbourhood?

So it has probably happened to everyone that is around my age - getting asked that dreaded question, "So when will it be your turn?", in reference to mrriage. Every time I get that question I'd answer that if I find someone to settle down with, I'll not have a wedding. If I didn't have to sign papers, I wouldn't even bother.

This morning's event just made it all more likely that I'll stick to my ideas. While here I was happily snuggled up in my bed, someone started honking their car horn, followed by another and joined in by a few more, which eventually ended as one big blast of horns for about 10 seconds. As if the first honk didn't wake me up, the group blast just made me start cursing at whoever was blocking the one-way exit (or so I thought). It didn't end there though. The idiots had to keep on honking as if honking would make whatever blockage disappear.

The horns stopped blaring after I heard some screaming, and I was glad for the person who got more annoyed than me to get up and curse, but again I was mistaken. The screaming continued, joined in by guys who were also shouting, and I just had to have a look at the clock. 7.30 a.m.! Bloody 7.30 a.m. on a Sunday morning and these idiots have to start a fight (...or so I thought again)! Then came the shout that made me realise what the fuss was all about...

"HUAT AH!!"

...and I was about to get out of my bed and shout something of my own in response.

My hopes of them ending their 'conversation' between the guys on the street and the girls from the apartment were dashed when the next thing I heard was "1...2....3... I want nobody, nobody... bak chiu..." Yeah "bak chiu" was what I heard, and I seriously wanted to give them black ones at that point. Now in the midst of wishing I had a deaf ear like mom, they went on to sing the damn thing two more times. Finally making the squealers in the apartment happy, the grunts made their way up just to create more noise.

Looking out of my house, I see that there were quite a few neighbours who were out wondering what the fuss was about, and the faces didn't seem all to happy about the noise these people were creating. Then I wonder how many neighbours were actually cursing these people just as I was? It could be just me, but I doubt anyone who was out partying last night, and people who planned to sleep in on their only day off in the week, would appreciate such a irritating wake up call. Weddings held under the block usually start getting lively at 10am, even funerals don't make as much noise as these idiots did.

So maybe you planned on telling the whole world you spent quite a bit on getting the ugly car for your special day, want to show off that you have the support from a good bunch of friends, that you're bride has an equally supportive bunch. Please, save the show for any other day except Sunday, or at least give some consideration for people who are resting even though you have opted to use up your Sunday. I know tradition sometimes need the people to get to a certain place by a certain time, but it didn't say to make so much noise that people start cursing upon you.

Now You Know Who You Are?

Another thing is I don't get where this stupid idea of blasting your car horn came about, but I know one thing is that the horns are supposed to be honked when the groom arrives back to the brides' parents' home, AFTER the bride has visited her new in-laws. NOT when you come to pick your bride up. If taking tradition into consideration, what horns were blasting when there were only carts pulled by horses/men in the olden days?

Guess for all of you who intend to get married and stick to traditional ways, be a little considerate as to the time and day which you decide to start waking the whole neighbourhood up. Or maybe you just don't think your marriage will last in the first place, and don't mind a few curses towards you both on the day you start your journey together?

The Pandas Are Coming!!

Finally, we won't have to travel by air just to get a glimpse of the black and white bears! Well, not just yet, but in a few year's time, we won't have to. Check this out!

To think I went all the way to Taiwan, waited in a long line, jostled with the crowd just to get see the bears long enough to take a photo, and then I had to move along with the crowd so that the rest in line behind me could get their turn.

Now they're going to be in the zoo for 10 years (that's if they cope well)! Yay!

To Caroline & Marc

Congratulations!

Welcome to the world Amberly.

Time For A Slight Change

Finally getting down to changing the look of this blog. Going to keep it as simple as possible and less cartoonish. Guess maybe I'm trying to make it reflect more of the person I am now. Only problem is I'm not really good at this whole html, css, xml, xhtml (blah blah blah) that the new blogger layout is using. I need help, and Homer^ doesn't cut it. Hope it doesn't take too long!

Back To Reality

To Dawn & William

Congratulations!

Welcome to the world Myron.

Why I Blog?

Once again I head to bed and I'm stuck with this strange feeling that keeps me awake even when my eyes can't stay open any longer. I was strangely struck with the question; "Why do I blog out my problems?". More specifically, "Why do I blog out all my troubling thoughts when I can actually talk to someone about it?". I have actually wondered why is it that I can be able to let go of my frustrations through making a little story to post on the tangled web in cyberspace and something in my mind just popped.

After listening to quite a few people telling me about the problems in their lives, I somehow realise that I can't seem to let myself burden/bother someone else with my troubles. The problem is that I actually feel guilty about unloading on someone else. Even though I've managed to get comfortable enough to bitch about things with Amy, it's probably because we make fun of the whole situation, and laugh at the whole issue, that in the end that it doesn't feel as though I'm unloading shit off onto her.

I guess in the end, I'm still more of a listener and rather have my fingers do the talking.

So to the ones who know I need to let something out but just won't talk about it, don't think that I don't want to share my problems the way you might be able to, it's just that I don't want to deal with that guilty feeling after I do.

Oh, by the way, text messaging is another form I find useful. Hahaha!

Footprints On The Heart

What is the use of having a best friend when we all die in the end? Does it not just give one more person to get hurt or feel lost when your time has come? So the thoughts might be a little bit morbid but the question popped into my head one night and I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

I guess it came out because of Adi's soccer coach, Bernard, who collapsed at a game and never recovered from the stroke he had. Well we all know life is unpredictable and if it's your time to go, you'll leave one way or another. As it can be seen on the multiple messages for him to fight through and recover, and then followed by all the condolence messages, it's quite obvious that he's touched quite a few lives. These people, however, are mainly the players in his team, and people who know him through the game. What I'm wondering, is that how many people that he'd call his best or closest friends in school have kept in touch long enough to know that he's passed on.

During my grandmother's wake, the people I saw were mainly old neighbours, friends of relatives, and of course, relatives. So maybe due to her age, or more precisely the era when she was born, school wasn't a necessity and you don't even hear stories from her about having a close childhood friend. Furthermore, she was married and already a mom when she was still a teenager. As for my uncle's wake, I wasn't really sure who was there, but I knew that there were people close to him like best friends who paid their last respects. My uncle, however, died before he was even 50, and I guess that would be considered young compared to the age people tend to live to now.

Then there's my mom's case. She doesn't seem to talk about any one particular friend she had in school but I know of a group of girls she kept in touch with till the few years just after I was born. So I wondered how many people will I keep in touch with and for how long? As it is, I'm cutting people out of my life as some are seriously dead weights and just pull u down in life. I know the people I'd like to see to the end of my time, but I'm questioning if it is even possible. Although communication with each other has significantly been made easier than before, there are times when people just give up on using new gadgets. Then there are people you know from work, and you wonder if they're keepers or the friendliness just ends once you depart from the company?

There's also the bit about knowing if any of your friends have passed on. Especially now when I don't read the papers that often, getting my news either from tv or the net, I don't really get a glimpse of the obituaries. (Told you it's a bit morbid) It's not that I think friends of mine are gonna start dropping dead anytime soon, but death is something that is almost always unexpected. I was thinking more into the future, when (hopefully) we're all old and passing our time in some nice way (wheelchair racing perhaps?), if we would even remember the people we now call our best friends? If we do, would we be able to make the effort to head down to pay our respects?

In the end, it all boils down to the fact that a death of someone I know, even as briefly as Maria (Shirley's mom), or Bernard (Adi's coach), still affects me somehow. No matter how many unexpected deaths you hear about, you still feel the bit of loss for the family once you've gone through your own.

Off To Western Australia

Back But Not For Long

Gut Feelings

Chatting with some friends of mine, I realise that it's not first impressions that actually tell you if you should keep that person as a friend, but rather, it's better to go with your gut feeling. I'm not saying that going through thick and thin with someone isn't a good way to know if you've got a good friend beside you. However, there is a handful of people that you just know you'll never be friends with, no matter how many times people want to try and reassure you that the person just has a quirk. Having a quirk is one thing. being lame is another. I've got a load of friends who I treasure and each of them has at least something odd about them. None of them, however, give excuses for any opportunities that they've missed, no matter how small.

This one person, whom I've not liked since school for some odd reason, is the main focus of this post. I still remember that she was the first one I spoke to during my first day in school, and I clearly remembered frowning at her because I gave up asking her to repeat herself as she just didn't stop mumbling. Since that very day, I've treated her as a classmate and nothing much more. Some of my friends in class would tell me to give her a chance, to get to know her, and that she's probably trying to get to know me better. So even after years of knowing this person, I never really got to know her.

Finally we started chatting and I got to understand her a bit more, and maybe I've found out too much about her character that she hasn't actually realised. Other than being needy, which I seriously cannot tolerate, she is constantly putting herself down for things that might not even involve her. Another thing is the snooping that she seems to try and do, and thinks that two people she keeps asking about don't see what she's doing. Why is it that some people just can't ask a question to the person who is directly involved and instead, goes to someone else for that information?

What got me really irritated is that she told the Mia something that involved me, which should really be a conversation between herself and I. However, she decided to contact both of us to set a date for something, but in the end, sent a private message to Mia and said that it takes so long just to get a day to meet up. Now how is it that when you're faced with 10 days to choose from, you only have the one-track mind to choose the date that I've already said I will be busy on? How dare you actually complain about it as well? Seriously, 10 days, of which 4 I've said I'm busy, then for the next 6, none of us are working, yet you can't choose any of the 6 available days to go out? The countless times that you've been asked to let us know if you'd be available on the dates we are have always ended with you either sending us stupid exclamation marks, no reply at all, or a quick dash to get out of the conversation. So if that's the case, don't point out the fact that you decided to pick the date where I have to work to meet up, and use that as an excuse for why it takes us so long to meet up.

In the first place, I don't even meet up with most of my best friends as often as you want to, and here you are, someone I didn't even treat as a friend in school, trying to meet up with me as often as possible to do something you think I like. You obviously don't know me well enough to know what I do when I feel a certain way. I don't shop or eat my problems away - I blog my problems away, cry all my anger out, and cook out all my stress.

I think in the end, my gut feeling about you was right - I should just stay away. If people want to stay friends with you, entertain you when you're feeling down just to hear u talking non-stop about something not many of us are interested in, then let them go ahead and do that. I for one, cannot be bothered to listen to you and your excuses, and escpecially won't stand for the fact that you constantly put yourself down even when you're told that you're not at fault.

Is your skull that thick?

Unfair Empathy

Em⋅pa⋅thy: the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Sometimes I wonder what is the cause of that feeling that comes once in a while to bug the shit out of me for days on end. How is it I'm so affected by just someone's mood changing?

Somehow when your mood went downhill, I felt like shit. Why did it feel like it was my fault that you weren't all too happy with what went on today? I don't get how is it that the weight of your world decided to land on my shoulders and eat me from inside out.

Is it worth it to know people that well? To know what it is like to walk a mile in someone else's shoes?

It's not to say that empathy is all that bad. There's a time and place for everything. And when it hit me while giving a hug to Shirley at her mom's funeral, that's fine. I know how it feels to lose someone dear, and when a hug led to tears that time, it's all right. It's normal, it's expected.

However, when someone else's feelings have latched on to you, and in the end, it leads to that sickening feeling like I have something to apologise for - that I'm actually the guilty party, that I caused whatever sadness/anger you may feel - that just isn't right. Why must it be that I feel that I'm in the wrong even if I didn't do anything to harbour ill feelings? Why is it that I have to find out that it's actually not me who is angry or sad and yet I've to let it out on my side as well, so that I can feel better?

I wonder what if one day someone were to feel my weight on their shoulders. Can anyone really bear the weight?

Off To Jakarta

Details here...

My First Partial Soccer League Photoshoot

After I got some idea to take photos of my best buddies to create something that I eventually want to have in my room, I asked Adi if I could take some photos of her in action during her soccer games. Unexpectedly, I ended up taking most of the games she played as I never really got the shot I wanted, though I did come close during training for the final match.

I started out on my uncle's camera at the old police academy, where Adi's team was to play the team from the police. Eventually the team started getting in on the photos, and even the coach was thinking of creating a team album.

I think I need another league to get the photo I want, but if it doesn't work out, I still have the photo I really like. At the end of it all, I still don't really enjoy watching soccer.

New Supporters

Kung Fu Fighting!

Practicing Dance Moves?

So This Is Thriller....

New Mascot With His Own Ball

Pole Dancing?

Mascot At It Again... With Another Ball

Cramping Up

Cramped & Unable To Move

Why Are You So Needy?

Alright. I've finally figured it out and pinpointed the problem that has got me into such a crappy mood. No matter how much I might like you as a friend, I cannot stand it once you get needy. I'm not talking about the few hours that you might need to unload some problem off me. I'm talking about the clingy, 'I have no one to hang out with', 'wish the day didn't end so quickly' kind of sickening need that just suffocates the life out of the one you decided to latch on to.

I know probably being by yourself can get extremely lonely, but don't you have things that you might need to do on your own one of these days? Don't you need your time alone? Well if you don't, I certainly do, and even if I'm not working on a permanent basis, doesn't mean I'm always that free to go out and cater to your every whim and fancy.

Worse part of it all is that you keep contradicting your own words with your actions. Somehow 'having a lot of things to do at home', and 'having to be home by a certain time' seem to fly out the window once we've met and there is definitely no rush to do anything when the attention is all on you. I wonder if you even think about the other people who have already asked for my time way before you, and even think that you're starting to impose on the time I've set aside for others.

Now I understand why I got so worked up when we travelled together. I guess with you I've to set the whole day aside and not even bother meeting anyone else even hours after the 'time you're supposed to be home'.

Sorry... I Never Told You...

I'm not exactly sure when it actually started building up but something was making me more and more frustrated to the point I almost blasted Adi for a little joke she made regarding an error in my text message to her. Later on when we were alone in the car I did tell her about it and laughed the whole issue away as we always do.

Somehow I still feel like I owe her an apology.

I know why/who actually got me frustrated. I probably even told her about the whole thing on the way back to her place. However, for that strange feeling that I have an apology to make is still like some weight swinging in my chest.

Maybe it is about some thing or another after clubbing? Maybe it's seeing her all tired out? Or could it be some empathy regarding the game?

Maybe we need to talk? Let me know.

Another Year Has Passed

Edith

Another year older & (hopefully) wiser.

10 Years On....

In memory of my PoPo

She would have been 77 years old, a great-grandmother to 5, and probably still having mahjong sessions at the house every weekend.

What The Hell?!?! I Don't Believe!!!

Having a car drive down the wrong way on a single-lane one-way road is something I see quite often when people try to take a short-cut out of the car park near my apartment. Seeing a car drive down the wrong way on a 3-lane carriage-way or highway is something I thought I'd only see in the movies.

Today would be the day that it actually happened and I think the stupid idiot actually thought I was going the wrong way! While the whole road was rather empty except for me and a taxi a distance away, the driver came down the furthest right lane and actually flashed his headlights at me as if I was in the wrong. The bugger must either be drunk (as it's the start of a long weekend), got his license from America or Philippines (or some other country where they drive on the opposite side), or he must be an idiot.

I guess he realised his mistake when he saw the taxi behind me, and the traffic on his left that was overtaking him across the center divider, which was when the signal came on in an attempt to find a way to make a turn. Well good luck buddy. You should have just done a U-turn and gone back up with the flow of traffic, turn to the AYE and turn off at Alexandra.

But I think it would be better if dangers to society like you just went straight, turned into the Queenstown police station and declare yourself unfit to drive.

Nothing Better To Do Than Stir Up Problems?

Was going about my daily surfing spree when this article caught my eye. The issue that didn't sit right was the quote "Chili crab is Malaysian. Hainanese chicken rice is Malaysian. We have to lay claim to our food,". Particularly "Hainanese chicken rice is Malaysian".

Now it's not for me to say where dishes like the Chilli Crab, Nasi Lemak, or Laksa originated from, but to say a dish named Hainanese Chicken Rice would originate from Malaysia and not China. It's like saying Penang Char Kway Teow or Penang Laksa originated in Johore. Then why bother calling it a Penang dish if it came from some other state?

The article then states "Some creations, such as chicken rice, were introduced to Malaysia and Singapore by ethnic Chinese workers who settled here after leaving China a century ago." - shouldn't this give you a clue where that very dish's origin is?

Other than a lot of other words that come to mind, I think this whole idea is ridiculous. Seriously.... is there nothing better to do?

Another Year Has Passed

Angie

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.

Taking A Break

Need a break. Gonna cook. Be back when I feel better.

Majulah Singapura!

Happy National Day Singaporeans!

Really enjoyed this year's National Day parade.

Another Year Has Passed

Derek

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.

They're Worth It (You'll Know Who You Are)

There are times when life gets really irritating/shitty/sickening/depressing/torturous/trying and you don't know what to do but turn to a certain friend (or two) to help get you back on track or just make you laugh the crap away. These are the times when you realise why you call some people your best friends. So I've never actually called anyone my best friend, and I guess the reason is that ONE best friend is not enough. I've always said I don't have a best friend, just a handful of really good ones. The ones that have gone through a bunch of crap with you, or just some that understand your situation when everyone else seems to not have a clue what you're talking about. The ones who are good enough to call family (or sometimes even better than family). The ones who are worth being labelled as your BEST friend.

Someone once asked why after being burnt that I would go walk through the same fire. I told her, that the fire is not always the same. It was one question that opened my eyes a little to the person that she was. That she was cautious enough to warn me that I might be doing something stupid once again, but at the same time, it let me know that she was considerate enough to know what I've been through and thread lightly.

Then the other day when the weight of all the week's crap came crashing down on me at work, she just was her usual self, entertaining me with her witty comments. What touched me most was that at the very end of the day, she sent a msg to ask if I was alright. A simple note of concern, a gesture that might not mean anything to some people, made me feel so much better. Although I didn't go on to tell her what it was that got me down, I still had to just thank her for being her.

Another would be the girl who accidentally became part of the handful. For 2 years in the same class, I was not really close to her due to a language barrier. Funny how time apart, depression, and irritating teachers can bring 2 people closer together. I honestly forgot what actually got us so close, but it was basically the late night/early morning chats on MSN that we got to know more about each other. Somehow chatting with her, I got to know about her problems, and she about mine. The one thing I remembered clearly was the one times I was so pissed off with my sis' boyfriend that I just sat at the computer, tears streaming down my cheeks, telling her what an inconsiderate arse he was. To think my dad always wondered why I was up at ungodly hours on the computer. Up till now, I'm still online at strange hours chatting away with her.

So on that crappy week, I was trying to get her online for a chat, knowing that somehow, she'll be part of the remedy. There was always something funny, or we would find funny, about anything we mentioned in our conversations. We always joked that anyone who looked through our conversation history will think that we were either high on drugs/laughing gas or just insane. However, due to a problem with our schedules and her phone, I just couldn't get to chat with her, leading to all the frustrations being built up within, just waiting to spill out (and it had to happen at work).

Even though I got to chat with her the next day, something just wasn't right. I guess maybe listening to my own head is still the way to go. I still need to blog about everything. To let all the crap out the way I'm comfortable and happy with. Up till now, I obviously haven't had the chance to let it all out, and it shows in my text messages. This time it was to another friend. A guy I always insist was a stalker with a creepy sidekick in school. That was how I noticed him anyway. Every week during school, I would hear some boy calling my name from behind me, and when I turned around, I would see him and the creepy one grinning like 2 idiots. I never understood what they were trying to do but I ended up in the same class with them in Sec. 3. That changed the whole situation as he could just approach me without looking like a stalker from another class. Then one day, he started giving me a weird nick-name, which I thought was some insult, until he told me it's what the gangsters call their leader (LIKE OMG!!!). He's still using the nick-name, and I've got used to it, even though I still find it rather embarrassing when he uses it among people I don't really know.

Anyhoo, we were texting back and forth on saturday and I asked if he would be free to go out for a drink. Something about my insistence made him wonder if I had something to talk to him about. Me being me, I said I didn't have nothing in particular, but now thinking about it, I probably had something to rant about. I guess that someone in pain doesn't really have to listen to anyone else's pain, and just decided to meet up another day.

So one of the things that actually got me down from from another girl who is also in this same handful of people. We met in Primary 5, when her school had to close down and move to mine. It was because I was crap in Chinese, and she was crap in Mathematics that we happen to end up in the same class. I honestly can't remember what happened in Pr. 5, probably it was too traumatic? But I do remember Pr. 6 rather well, and that as a class, there was this bunch of girls that hated her and tried to make her life miserable, and there was the other people who didn't like that bunch of girls. I think my role in Primary school was some sort of protector (maybe that's why I got the gangster nick-name?) and seems like whoever needed some sort of protection or sheltering ended up with me. I guess size does matter when it comes to bullying and being bullied.

Anyway, she sent me a message at work, asking if I was free for a chat but I told her I had to work till late. Even then, she called me after I was done to talk and I knew something really bad happened. She told me about a problem she had at home and after talking to her, it got me really sad. It's not like I didn't think that her situation couldn't happen to her. It wasn't because of what she thought of as the problem in her life. It was the fact that she could think of killing herself just because of someone else, or the thought of losing that someone. Maybe it's because I feel that I can't lose her in my life just yet that it affected me so much? Or maybe it was just that she actually thought of such a stupid thing to do just to end her misery? Is ending your life because of someone else's stupidity worth it? I'm partly glad I got to talk to her, but the sadness and pain she's going through is heartbreaking to me. It's probably why they say that you cannot counsel people who you are related or close to. It's not that you can't help the person with the situation. I think it's more that the situation the person is in might affect you more than you think.

But going through this whole situation, blogging in the middle of the night just to get it all out even though I've to work in 6 hours, it's all worth it. These people are worth the all the pain that can come with life because they definitely bring the joy into my life.

Another Year Has Passed

Caroline M. West

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.

Why Do Good People Die Young?

In light of all the recent deaths around the world, Amy asked the question why the good people die young. As we all know, the biggest headliner when it comes to deaths this whole month is Michael Jackson. It's a bit hard not to realise that it seems like the grim reaper is doing the annual audit and taking stock - 3 plane crashes with almost all on board dying, all the celebrities that have passed on, the deaths in the riots & bombings. It seems like every year, there's a certain time that there seems to be a few mass deaths. Do note that it's about the 7th month of the Lunar calendar. Ok... so maybe that's grasping at straws. But back to Amy's question:

Why the good ones die young?

She had asked this as we were talking about Michael Jackson and Princess Diana, and the reason why so many people mourn their deaths. Other than the fact that they were both celebrities, the outreach they had was actually because they were charitable people, using their celebrity status to help the needy. So because of what we were saying prior to her question, my answer was that maybe we all had a certain amount "good points" to chalk up. Once we got to our required amount of points, it was time to leave the earth. But this is saying that the people died in accidents or through sudden health-related issues, not through some other people's hands.

But actually the email I got from here says it all:

A Dog's Purpose
(from the heart of a 6-year-old boy)
as Told by a Veterinarian.

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-oldIrish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up and said,

''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''


* * *

Dogs are born knowing how to:

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

So if learning the 4 points above means that you've achieved what you're put on this world for and that your time in this world is complete, then maybe that's why people feel that the good die young. The people who achieve this would be seen as 'good' in the eyes of others, and since they leave this world so suddenly (basically not expecting you to die of old age), people tend to think that their lives were cut short.

Well.. some sort of point system if you ask me.

It's The End Of The World!!

Be afraid... be very afraid....

"Of what?" you might ask.

Well.. be afraid of today if you believe the things being sent around in emails and of people's predictions the natural phenomenon will have on the world.

The first was the email about a tsunami hitting a few countries, and asking everyone to stay away from beaches. Well other than this email being very vague about the exact locations that will be "badly hit" by the tsunami, it does include a predicted location of the earthquakes. Now if the earthquake locations are true, and the tsunami is supposedly starting from that area, it will be one giant tsunami to hit all the way to Australia and India. Even with the unpredictability of water, if it does affect all the places listed, that tsunami would be big enough to wash the whole of Singapore. So soap up and get your life jackets on just in case.

Next would be the effect that the solar eclipse will have on the world today as predicted by the astrologer.

"Mumbai astrologer Raj Kumar Sharma predicted "some sort of attack by (Kashmiri separatists) Jaish-e-Mohammad or Al-Qaeda on Indian soil" and a devastating natural disaster in Southeast Asia.
An Indian political leader could be killed, he said, and tension between the West and Iran is likely to increase, escalating into possible US military action after September 9, when fiery Saturn moves from Leo into Virgo.
"The last 200 years, whenever Saturn has gone into Virgo there has been either a world war or a mini world war," he told AFP."

Honestly, I think what he said just gave the separatists/terrorists an idea of what to do today.

So what are we in for today?

Since he said the attack will be on Indian soil, and it's Iran that's going to be dealing with tension, I don't think we're in for a mini-war on our end. But the devastating natural disaster? Could he have received the email too? Is he referring to the tsunami? If so, like I said before, remember your life jackets today!

Another Year Has Passed

Kuka a.k.a Sudha

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.

Night Festival 2009

We went the year before, and so we decided to have a look again this year. Time again for the museum doors to open till late for the Night Festival to showcase more artistic talents. Adi and I managed to get our shifts on the 2nd day of the festival with enough time to visit some of our friends at the Bras Basah outlet before heading to catch the night's opening number.

Just as they were starting up the 3rd performance, the sky decided to bless the event with a downpour that had the crew scrambling to save their equipment, while everyone was told to seek shelter. Enter lightning, and things started to get a little bit disappointing until we started getting interesting shots in the rain. Then Adi's ears perked up as she heard fireworks going off, and I thought she was going mad until we realised that it was the display for the National Day Parade rehearsal. Probably would have been nice to catch that on the camera, but then standing at the bottom of tall buildings just don't help when you need a good view. Getting rather bored with nothing to do, we joined the crowd to check out what was on offer at the stalls set up for the event.

Hardy Amies Meets Adi Hamir

Once the rain started to ease up, we decided it was better to seek shelter at one of the museums rather than wait for some of Adi's friends having nothing much to look at. Spotting the giant, blue spring across the road, we were sucked in by it's mesmerizing glow, with Adi even walking right into its core.

Once we got Adi out of that loop, another glowing art installation caught our attention. This time it was this boxy, tree-like sculpture that had lighting activated by the sounds around it.

It started showing signs of another heavy downpour and we thought it best if we got ourselves into the National Museum before we really got soaked, but still stopped for one last photo opportunity before entering into our shelter for the next hour.

First thing we saw once we got in (other than the crowd) was a tower of tanks all painted in a light shade of pink, with flower and heart motifs. Well it was something to do with love and war, but me being me, I wasn't one to stand there and really read into every art piece. I just rather move about and try to get pictures of things I find interesting in someway... or maybe have someone make it more strange?

Sometimes I Don't Understand Her?

Wish I Had My Fisheye Here.

The next thing we came upon was fun. A camera (or maybe a few) were focussed on the floor of the museum, and the images picked up were displayed on the wall. Not everyone actually understood where the camera was. While some couldn't be bothered, others just failed trying to get a shot of themselves not realising that all the person with the camera saw on the projected image was the top of their heads. Thank goodness my model wasn't too stupid. :p

Can You Spot Adi?

I'm Like A Bird....

Other than a few more things that caught my attention as we walked through the museum, the wait to get into the rooms that held more insight into the country's past was just too long as we were supposed to meet with Adi's friends (Martina & sis) any time soon. So a few more shots around the museum and we were heading back to SMU.

And I Thought Mom Had A Large Glass Collection

Adi's Signature Happy Pose.

I See You ...

Finally meeting up with Martina & her sister, we decided to head to the Singapore Arts Museum since we had more than an hour to waste before the final act was to start. Well there was some interesting things there, but photography wasn't allowed in most places. Boooo!

For Sale? Not Worth It?

Enjoying The Scratch...

Fast forward through milkshakes and catching a good location to watch the final act, we were treated to the final act about 20 minutes later than scheduled. After standing in the crowd watching the performers strapping themselves into position, the lights went out and someone started singing.

Drummer & Hero

Once the singing stopped and everyone behind us began clapping, we waited for the performers in front of us to start their act but it seems something happened to the singer, and one of the drummers started getting himself freed from his contraption and ran to help his friend. Oh well... isn't that just lovely?

The announcement then came through to say that the performance will continue with just the 3 on the wheel. I guess they didn't want to waste the effort of setting all the pyrotechnics up.

What a night.