To Adi Hamir

To Cassandra Tan

At Least Show You're Worth It

I seriously wonder how thick your skin is when you actually got the cheek to ask for a pay increment when you don't seem to show anything for it. I honestly wonder why Yau Ching actually considers keeping you when all you seem to do is waste our time by not pulling your weight. No thought has to be given if asked why you're still in the similar position even after so many years in the same company - you can't even do the basics expected of a crew, let alone the basics expected of a person holding your position. 

At one point, I thought I was being mean not giving you any respect when I first worked with you, and then not bothering to even get to know you better. I guess my first impression was right anyway, and I just shouldn't have bothered with getting to know you. 

Here people are trying to push you to better yourself, to at least let you show that you can actually be better than the bad impression that most people already have of you. Your attitude, however, makes it all a waste of time as you seem to just not bother about anything. What's so hard about a simple apology to acknowledge that you've done something wrong, or that it was your fault? Until now, all I heard was you blaming other people for all the things you did wrong. 

You're just lucky you're working with Y.C. because if you weren't, your lame threat about joining another company would have been very good news welcomed with arms wide open. 

Stop And Stare

Once again I happen to fall asleep with my fingers on the computer, probably for about an hour, and then I can't go back to sleep. My eyes are tired but there's that irritating feeling that is just stuck and trying very hard to get out. Music can't seem to help with sleep but it's making me cry for some odd reason. I really wonder if I'm still secretly mourning my grandfather's passing, or is it the fact that I'm just thinking of all the loved ones I miss because they are no longer with me.

Could it possibly be stress? I've been wanting to get away for some time but haven't been able to. Would that even help? It's just like running away from the problem for that short period of time and then it's back to square one when you get back to reality. Then there's the stupid diabetes I've got to get under control or else I've got to inject myself daily when I can't even prick my own finger just to do the blood test.

I need to talk, but if I don't even know what is bothering me, how am I going to get anything out? Seems like all I can do now is stare at the music list, even though my eyes are seriously hurting just to edit this post.

A Person Of Interest

I don't know what is it about this person but I think I feel comfortable talking about anything and almost everything, BUT I don't trust the person just yet to open up as I would to Amy & Adi. Somehow there's this odd feeling that if I were to let this person in on what's bothering me, I think that it's going to be safe. Yet I have this strange feeling that some information might accidentally leak out to certain people that should not know.

Maybe it's the little bit of 'like-mindedness' that has once again pulled me towards this person? Could this person end up being another one of my handful? Hmmm....

Criminal Intent: True Stories From Changi Prison by Wong Kim Hoh

One thought came to mind once I finished the book, "I want more!" Although it probably was rather tough for the author to sit through interviews with some of the prisoners, 12 stories in the book was just too short. I'm not sure if he couldn't get more interviews, or that these 12 stories took up so much time that they were all he could compile by the dateline (if he had one).

Even though each person has their own reason that led them to committing the crimes, there seems to be a common issue among all of them - the need for love and support from family (though sometimes it's just in their own heads). Now I'm wondering if the lack of support from her family might lead someone into Changi Prison? Oh My......

To Yeo Ai LI

Thank You For Your Concern But....

Just like you turn to certain people when you have issues, so do I. There are people I know who understand my point of view, who would instantly understand why my emotions run high concerning certain issues. To put it more clearly, I don't just have one person I talk to about my problems, I have 2 I can trust not to blackmail me, and 1 I'm now considering to be part of the pack. For those of you who think that my mom is one of them, you've got it wrong. Even though I do tell her the more mundane and ridiculous things some people do that irritate me, she won't understand where I would be coming from regarding certain issues and all that would do is piss me off more. 

There's also one major thing when I decide to let you in on what's bothering me - TRUST. If I don't trust you, why would I tell you anything? So one might think that I would be contradicting myself as I post some of my issues here, but what you don't realise is that I've already bitched about the issue to the people I trust, and what is on here has gone through quite a bit of censorship.

For one person in particular, I would have to apologise and say that I'm grateful for your concern, but the problem lies with me - that I can not talk it out when I'm at the point of killing someone. Yes, you're the person I'm considering as my 3rd confidant, but I guess there might still be quite a while to go before I trust you enough. It's just that at this point, I'm not sure why I'm so comfortable talking to you about certain issues.

As for the people who have your own problems to attend to - don't bother about me. If you can't bear the weight on your own shoulders, don't try to take on mine. The reason why you started talking to me in the first place was to gripe about what is bothering you in your life. Even the niceties exchanged during the initial part of the conversation were just so that you would know I was actually paying attention to you. Even if during the conversation, you decide to ask me about my life, don't take it too seriously if I tell you I need a break. As time and time again, just maybe with the exception of the past 2 weeks, my problems tend to fix themselves. Or maybe you should realise that the break I need is actually from people like you,

To Airol Slamat

8 Gifts That Cost Almost Nothing At All

I spotted this in the gas station's toilet...of all places to spot something nice and thought-provoking:

1. THE GIFT OF LISTENING:

But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.

2. THE GIFT OF AFFECTION:

Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

3. THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER:

Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

4. THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE:

It can be a simple "Thanks for your help" note or a full sonnet. A brief, hand-written note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.

5. THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT:

A simple and sincere, "You look great in green," "You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day.

6. THE GIFT OF A FAVOUR:

Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.

7. THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE:

There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

8. THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION:

The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, really it's not that hard to say, "Hello" or "Thank You!"

So what gift have you given today?

To Cheyenne Goh

Why by Yin

The reason I looked out for this book was because someone recommended it to Adi, and while I was browsing through bookstores, Adi would be searching for it. So when I came across the book, I didn't think of purchasing the book, but the summary at the back got a hold of my interest and I ended up getting it.

Reading through the book, my first thought was that the author's first few chapters seem to reflect the way I am when I'm angry. She questioned a lot of things when angry, and looking at my blog posts, especially some recent ones, it all seemed rather familiar.

Overall the book has a few good insights into counselling, but it didn't evoke as much emotions as "Tuesdays With Morrie", or even "Marley & Me". Then there were certain parts which I could just read in a flash as it started to seem repetitive, and on other parts, uninteresting to me. The book, however, did give me a bit of insight into why some people have to keep talking about their problems. Plus it made me wonder what I'd do if I found out that one of my besties decided to attempt, and end up committing, suicide.

I probably would be angry, maybe with my friend, but most likely with the person whom I felt pushed them to the point of doing so. Honestly, at this point of time, I only got 2 people on my mind who might actually end up going in that direction. Other than the initial shock of getting the news, if I even get the news, I'll most likely get angry about it, then probably get over their death and move on. I'll definitely end up missing them once in a while, and possibly wish that they were still alive at certain times.

Honestly, I don't know why I think I could get over their deaths that quickly, but maybe it's the fact that I've been through so many deaths in the family that it really is becoming part of life. In all 28+ years, I've learnt to move on through the deaths of 4 family members and 2 well-loved dogs. That's not even counting the deaths of grand aunts and uncles whom I'm not really close with, as well as my paternal grandfather and maternal great grandmother (both when I was too young to remember). Obviously there are deaths of certain people who hit you harder than others, but if the 2 people I think will most likely attempt suicide would really do so, I don't think I will be hit quite as badly as it were to be someone who I never imagined would do such a thing. I guess it's partially the because I'll be mentally prepared for it.

Now it has got me thinking - if ever the day comes when I get such news of my friends, who would I turn to? Somehow I got an idea who, but will that person still be in my life when that happens (if it were to happen)?

Just A Bulletin Board For The World

After a certain celebration, I decided to post something on my blog to show my appreciation and commemorate the event. At the same time, I decided to send the link to the person involved with the intention to show her how I really felt about it all, as I was rather tired during the whole ceremony as I had to work, and might have been a little concerned that it showed unknowingly.

What got my rather irritated was the message sent back, other than saying thanks, the person asked why I didn't put it up on Facebook. At that point, all I could think of was how special it would have been on that networking site. Personally, I don't think that it would be nice to put congratulatory messages for someone to be lost in a sea of other messages. Maybe it would have been in a sea of congratulatory messages, but looking at what transpired for the day, I think it would have been lost in the list of other people's gripes, moans, and also postings through games being played by everyone. Post on this blog are all done only by me, no-one and nothing else, can take up any space on it unless I want it to (save for the blogger logos).

What I am trying to say is that I think writing on my blog is much more personal and sincere compared to a message posted onto Facebook. So maybe Facebook is updated rather quickly, but it is only as fast as the user wants to be. The blog might be updated erratically, but what I write here comes from the heart, or at least a lot more thought goes through a post before it's published.  In comparison, the things I post on my Facebook profile is mainly brain farts, song lyrics, and quotes I like - in one word "RUBBISH". So if you feel that my commemoration of the even was 'rubbish', then do tell, so that I can remove it from my very personal blog.

I guess some people need to learn how to show more appreciation when others make space in their lives for them.

What Is The Bloody Schedule For?

Proving my point right about people not being able to change fast enough, and that bad habits are surfacing, the person once again didn't bother to note the shift changes for the day. The shock when the person found out I was leaving for the day, that I was scheduled to just the middle of lunch, just let me know how much this person bothers about what's happening during work.

How can you wonder when you'll actually be promoted out of your trainee position later than some other outlet's staff when you don't even bother about the most basic thing - to know who you're working with. The thing is, you don't even plan the schedule. Do you trust your superior not to make a mistake and under-staff for the shift? What would happen if, after the emergency reshuffling, the person replacing someone on an earlier shift, was not replaced with another later, and you were left to close by yourself? So maybe there are a lot more eyes looking at the schedule and might point out any problems, but what if a time comes when everyone's attitude changed like yours and no one bothers about the schedule at all? Won't it be a little too late to learn that knowing the staffing for the day is more important that talking with the milkman and negotiating when he will deliver his products?

Maybe it's time you and your slumbering attitude got a wake up call? 

Congratulations Mr & Mrs Zee

To Shirley & Eugene,

May your lives together ahead be just like the ceremony today - as fun-filled and light-hearted, filled with love for each other, as well as from family and friends. 

I Love My Job, Just Hate The Company

After a week since that irritating day, even after sort of talking it out with Yau Ching, as well as explaining the whole thing to Adi, I thought that I'd had gotten over it. Apparently not. Disappointment and anger still bubbled up to the surface when I was mentioning everything to Adi.

It's rather funny that with regards to one person, it's the bad habits that is the cause of my frustration, while for the other person, it's some new (albeit bad) attitude that is pissing me off. It's hard for Y. C. to see the new attitude as he hasn't really worked with the person long enough, but Adi could, and that's one part that is really disappointing.

I guess my problem is that I love the job, and when it comes to the point where the company, or in this case, the colleagues, piss you off, what am I to do? Leave the job or wait till the problem goes away? If it's the latter, I hope it's fast. Then again, I might just have more important things to focus on soon.

To Didi Ruzeana

Mummy Trial?

I wonder if people realise that the murder victim they say is a very motherly person should be called 'mommy' instead of 'mummy'. But then again, articles about the murder victim seem to say that he always wrapped his head with scarves... so maybe 'mummy' might just be the appropriate term.

Good Decision, But Is It Good Enough?

One ruling by the courts I really like, but is it enough? A cat is still another living thing that can only defend itself as much as a baby can.

I Feel Like Quitting.

48 hours since I got pissed off and I'm supposed to head back to the place where it all happened. Don't know why, but I just don't feel like heading to work, especially since I'll be working with one of the people that really pissed me off. I think it's the first time that I actually feel like just giving up, packing my bag and taking a break, not caring about my responsibility at work. Honestly why should I when the people employed there full time don't even bother either?

Maybe You Should Worry About Finding New Part-Timers?

Well the day started fine enough until one family came by, with the mom being a bitch with her 'concerned' questions regarding our menu's items. I understand your kids have allergies, and that you're making sure that we don't kill them by accident, but you seriously didn't have to ask me things as though I was some incompetent person suggesting things off the menu just to make a few extra dollars. First off, I've taken your order before as I recall your two girls having to share one drink and can never seem to agree on how they want it. How about you stop being a cheapskate and just get them a drink each? Or since you were so smart today to take half the drink away, why not just let them have a glass each to go so they can enjoy their own drink. Oh wait... I head back to my first observation, that you're cheap. So cheap you'll charge $6 to the credit card just to get points. So the next time you see me, I probably won't be bothered to take your order, and just send my manager to you since you seem to only want to talk to him.

Then cue the people in the 2nd shift. I honestly don't know if some people are just plain ignorant, or is it about time they changed their shitty working attitudes. After finding out that they didn't receive much of a bonus this year, people at work are not only less motivated to work, some seem to have lost all sense of duty. 

I wonder if they realise why there is such a thing as a schedule, and that on the schedule, there are times to indicate the flow of staff for the day. If you're not going to work when you step into the outlet, why bother coming in at all? So if you already stepped into the outlet, why aren't you taking over tasks from the 1st shift? It's rather easy to guess who you should be taking over if there are 3 people in the morning and 3 working in the evening. 

Then they take their own sweet time to get things done, including going for their breaks. Hellloooooooooooooo? Did you not see that I am supposed to be leaving at 4 and you're still at the outlet instead of banking in the previous day's takings, you still haven't gone for your break, and lets not forget that the 1st shift hasn't gone for their break either. Plus we can't forget the one who decided to slowly pack things away after retrieving them from the store, getting in the way half the time. Don't you realise that it was only the two of us and that I was taking, as well as, preparing orders while you took your time to unload the trolley? 

Then came the point where I really started to get pissed off - when some people decide to leave the bar unattended just because I was there. Did you even know the reason I came up was because you were so bloody slow just getting drinks out? Did you even realise that I just went up to prepare the fruit salad? I can't believe you even have the cheek to step down and actually let the next order sit on the spike for me to prepare. Was it even right to have me, the part-timer, to ask one of you full-timers to actually get the thing done because it seems all of you were too blind to see I was busy with another order of fruit salad that had to be prepared from scratch? What is the use in dreaming about big bonuses and bigger paychecks when you don't even pull the weight of your own title? And back to the schedule... you were supposed to take over my shift, therefore take over the bar. The very reason I stepped down from it when you were finally done with shoving everything in their right hiding place was so you could get the bar to the way you wanted. 

So the crowd came streaming in just as I was supposed to leave, but I already knew I had to extend my time, well I thought at least until someone more capable came back from their break. But lo and behold, the person comes back and seems to have decided to play around with the cash register instead, at the same time asking the ignorant one to take their break. Even after the hint that I was supposed to be heading home, no one seems to bother taking over the bar, the only question I get directed to me was if I could stay till 6, and this was the 2nd extension. I really didn't see why I had to stay any further when all I ended up doing was to complete and order, walk around, clean things, stare at the cakes, and head to the kitchen to bitch to Adi. If I could do that, why couldn't someone else just do my job at that point? 

What's the use of complaining that running costs for the outlet is high when you're wasting money keeping me there for another hour? What's the use of having everyone with nice titles above their names when they don't seem to pull their weights. Do these people even deserve the titles, let alone their pay?

The last straw came when I was told to leave. Not that I wasn't happy about finally being let off, but it's the way, or the tone of voice, that sent me over the edge. From the same person who says that some people need to learn about intonation when speaking to customers, this one needs with staff. When you finally want me to go, did you have to say it as though I was breaking things and you had to send me out of the place? Furthermore, did you realise how stupid it was to ask me to take a half hour break at 5.30 when you said you want me to stay till 6? Yes, I was already pissed off and my attitude wasn't the best at the point, so did you really not expect me to talk back when you're asking me to do something ridiculous? 

Somehow I just felt that I was being taken for granted. I'm there to help, but I'm not there to be taken advantage of. Why did it have to take for me to break down that you finally realised that there was something wrong? 

Finally, do you seriously think I will tell you what's wrong with me when you're part of the problem? Since you're all 'worried about me', how about worrying about getting a new part-timer?

Usher In The Tiger With A Little Love

Wishing EVERYONE
a Lovely Valentine's Day,
and a Prosperous Year of the Tiger!

I Need To Travel

I seriously need to travel, but I don't really feel like travelling alone. The few people I'll be comfortable travelling with all can't due to time or financial restrictions. However, there's one person I wouldn't mind travelling with, although I somehow see a lot of issues arising through it - Eddie.

I don't really know how to explain it, but I just have this odd feeling that if I ever travelled with Eddie, we'd have to travel our separate ways and only meet at the end of the trip. Even though we might be alike in some ways (most of which people seem to point out rather than noticing it myself), I still think the minor differences would break the trip. I think it's probably because we like similar things, yet we like the opposite ends of the spectrum of the same subject.

I wonder if the risk-taker feels the same.

Hitch-Hikers

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." - as posted on Adi's profile. Personally I'd want someone who'd walk with me when the limo breaks down, head to the nearest cafe, and have a nice cuppa while we try to get someone to come pick the piece of crap limo and get it fixed.

Joking aside, the quote got me thinking about how people seem to enter your life (the limo) like hitch hikers. There are ones that you trust enough to stop for (friends and acquaintances), some you don't trust at all to even give a 2nd glance (the type of people you really can't gel with). While for the ones you chose to stop for, there are the ones who you end up helping a little bit more than just to give them a lift, some who will just disappear after you drop them off, some who turn around to rob you and your limo, and the ones that end up helping you fix the limo if it breaks down half way.

Thinking through my list of friends, I do have a few people in each category, yes even the ones who robbed me. The ones that end up helping you are really rare, and so are the ones that just disappear after you've dropped them off. The ones that are rather problematic are the type that need your help even after you've reached their destination. I sometimes wonder if these people do realise that you're already veering off course to help them, and yet some just don't know how to say 'thanks' and be on their way. At times, I really feel that some of them are better off being robbers. At least the robbers take a bit off you, but they rarely come back to haunt you as they probably would think that they next time you see them, you'd run over them with your bus instead of stopping to pick them up.

To Marc Sin

To Amy Tan

Do I Have One Of These?

"The best kind of people, is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had."

I haven't tried... so I wonder.

Why Should I Bother?

You email me regarding the fact that you finally finished writing the letter (that would have taken you much longer if I didn't set a dateline... the same sort of letter which my other former company took just a week to complete by the way...) and to call to make arrangements to pick it up. Then when I did call back, you inform me that the letter was passed to my colleague to be brought back to the outlet. Over the phone, you had the cheek to tell me to contact you if there was any problem with the letter.

So after 1 whole month, you couldn't even try to find my employment records, but you could go around asking some previous manager of the outlet that I didn't work about me. Then instead of taking my word regarding the month I ended my contract with the company, you decide to take the word of that person I didn't work with. So what would be the difference, TO YOU, between taking the word of someone I didn't work with who just gave you an estimate of my employment duration, and taking my word that I ended my employment on that specific month? Would it have cost you money? Or would a finger drop off for every month you indicated wrongly? In that case, I think that you'd have dropped 4 fingers then.

Seriously, why should I bother calling you back if you have already shown that you couldn't be bothered to help me in the first place. Will I have to wait another month to get the letter with the correct duration printed on it? By the time you get things done, I think I would have missed another chance to apply.

Thinking about it, I'll just apply with the useless letter you gave me, and if someone asks about the discrepancy, then I shall point the finger at you and your laziness.

Thanks for nothing.

To Yana

Don't Try To Mess My Relationship

I've come to the point of wondering if working with one of my besties is actually a good idea. Before a certain person came into the picture, there was already attempts to keep us apart during work, and possibly outside the work environment as well. I would understand why an attempt would be made if the two of us didn't get any work done during our shift, but to try and keep us apart even after? You seriously have to be kidding me.

Well after the move to the new outlet, the people behind that plan to keep us apart didn't have much control  over our shifts anymore. So it was all quiet for a while until one of the people behind that 'evil' plan transferred over and we wondered if problems will arise again. Thankfully nothing of that sort happened.

Then came the day I started talking to this one certain person - my current manager - who keeps thinking that it's a good idea for me, as a best friend, to talk to Adi concerning work ethics. Time and time again I refuse with the reason that Adi will not take me seriously even thought the matter might be serious. If I were to switch positions with Adi, I'd be laughing my head off, which is exactly what she did when I told her what he wanted me to talk to her about.

So basing her reaction doesn't seem to be a good enough excuse not to talk to her. I did give the reason that I'm only a part-time staff, while Adi is the supervisor, and he's the manager. If he wanted someone to talk to Adi before he did, then it should be the one person that fills the gap between their positions in the outlet.

Now even after the first incident that was strictly work-related, what had me really pissed off was the day that he kept asking me to talk to Adi about a personal matter. Honestly, the choices Adi, or anyone else, decides to make regarding their life is up to them. If she decides to quit soccer, I can't stop her even if I think she's might be throwing away a good future. Even if she decides to consult me regarding something, the ultimate decision is still hers. I can't possibly be watching over her, or all of my besties, to just let them experience the good, and avoid the bad in life. It's their life to lead and to do with.

Seriously, the next person who tries to mess with any of my relationships might just end up with a knuckle sandwich for dinner.

A Little Lesson For Some People I Know

"Apologising does not mean that you are wrong and the other one is right... It simply means that you value the relationship much more than your ego."

Well people who can't do it aren't worth the effort of a relationship then.

Be A Smart Customer

After a discussion with Syndyk earlier about the service sector in Singapore, and how bad it is in many aspects, this article proves the one thing I was trying to say; that the customers need to change their mindset when it comes to service.

Other than trying to make people a little nicer by trying to get them to clear the table so the next patron could have a relatively clean one to dine on, it did point out the one bit about people being used to someone picking up after them. I told Syndyk that customers here are also one cause of the crappy attitude of service staff when they've been treated as though they're maids. Maids are, at least, still humans. There are some people who think that service staff are dogs - clapping or whistling is not a way to get our attention. So if my dog ignores me when I whistle at him sometimes, what makes you think I would give you my attention if you whistle or clap your hands?

Haven't people heard about treating others the way you want to be treated? Well if you decide to treat the service staff like crap, what makes you think you'll get the best out of the service staff? Seriously, not all of us might have a great education under our belts, but when it comes to class and culture, I think we can definitely beat the clappers and whistlers.

Another good point the article did put across was the fact that customers ought to change their mindset if they want to start getting prices down. More manpower to clear your leftovers, means more cost to the company, which ends up as cost to the customer. Well, everyone will argue that it might be a whole load of bullcrap and that higher prices is just another excuse to earn money. However, if you think about it, in the days when people in the hawker centres had their assistants to clear and wash their bowls/plates, the prices were much lower before common cleaning crew was hired to service the hawker centre. Now you have to carry your own food to the table, and the stall owner has lost his assistant, yet the price of the food has gone up. If you asked, the answer is the extra cost of the cleaning crew.

So get smart, change your stupid old habit, and just clear your tray. It's not as though you have to carry a pile of plates that might break and make more problems for the staff. It's just a plastic tray, with empty paper boxes, wrappers and cups. If kids can do it, I don't see why an adult can't.

Hermit Crab Haiku?

Excuse me please

Ms Hermit Crab

Where are you?

Camouflaged so well

Can't even find

Your dreamy shell

You've been gone

Almost a week

Hiding in room?

So much stories

So much gossip

Starting to forget

I'm getting irritated

Still no reply

Just one acknowlegement

How to apply?

Can't even try

What to do?

I'm kinda stressed

I'm really bored

I need SLEEP!

To Tim Greiner

It All Depends On The Support

Amy and my aunt seem to be going through the same problem. However, in Amy's case, the victim seems to be on the brink of entering IMH, while my aunt's abuser is being treated there. Both are being verbally abused, yet my aunt seems to take the abuse better than Amy. Thinking it through, I realise that it all boils down to the support that you get with your problems.

For my aunt, the reason why she has managed to cope with it all is due to the support from her family. Especially now that her own children can support their own family, and are able to support her as well, it gives her a lot of hope in the fact that she would have a place to run to if and when she needs help. Furthermore, with my mom enforcing the point that my aunt has her children and siblings to turn to for help, it's seems to be a big relief when she gets to the point when she feels like giving up.

Amy, on the other hand, has a much bigger problem because the abuser(s) is also the same person(s) who is supposed to be giving her support. In an instant, the only person she can turn to for support is her sister, and that is if her sister can be there for her. It's easy to just say why can't she turn to this person and that person, but you can't possibly expect everyone to drop everything and tend to Amy every time she needs help. While in my aunt's case, my mom is almost always able to just let my aunt gripe on the phone for hours.

If you read her post, you can see how hopeless she ends up sometimes, and makes me wonder what else can be done to help. Other than being one of the few people who listen to her gripe, I'm not in a position to be able to support her like my mom or cousins would be for my aunt. Is the answer to her problem for her to support herself financially and just leave her parent's house? If that's the case, all she needs is to get a job to pay for the things she needs, which I think, shouldn't include a phone line the family knows about.

To Eddie Kheng

To Shirley Ho & Marcel Goh

To Ian Tan

2009 Annual Awards

Remembering 2009 Awards Winner's Roll:

BEST HOLIDAY
Margaret River with the family.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR
* Ellen *

SONG OF THE YEAR
* Halo - Beyonce *

MOVIE OF THE YEAR
* Fast & Furious 4 *

BOOK OF THE YEAR
* Waiter Rant *

CLUB/PUB OF THE YEAR
* My Home *

DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
* Eddie/Ah Liang/Angie *

RESTAURANT/CAFE OF THE YEAR
* New York New York *

BEST EVENT OF THE YEAR
* Receiving My Psychology Diploma *

BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD
* Slowpoke C.T. *

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR AWARD
Losing Ah Kong.

MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK
Discussing Anything.

WORST CLUB/PUB OF THE YEAR
* Mimolette *

WORST RESTAURANT/CAFE OF THE YEAR
* Modestos *

WORSE EVENT OF THE YEAR
* Syndyk's Housewarming *

VALENTINES AWARD
* Peeps @ Work, Mom, Barkley *

BEST RELATIONSHIP AWARD
* Amy/Adi (time to take mom out of the running) *

WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN
* Master Baiter *

NEWCOMER AWARD
* Meena *

3ND ANNUAL LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD
* Shirley Ho *

BEST DECISION MADE
To use the expiring mileage points to go to Penang.

BIGGEST CHANGE AWARD
Location of work/My hair style.

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR
Getting the PS3.

FUTURE PLANS
Travel, enjoy life, and start Counselling degree course.

Happy New Year!

Have a great

Special thanks to hand models Adi, Cliff & Yao Ching.

Drawing The Line

How can one ever know when the person you treat as your best friend also feels the same way about you? Another thing is, when does a person actually go from being just a friend, to a best friend? Or when do you decide that you should drop the thought of ever meeting up with certain people?

In my case, I never really had a best friend as I couldn't make up my mind. Plus there was an incident where someone actually accused me of getting "a new best friend". This someone wasn't even considered my best friend, and I don't see why she had to say that when I was telling her about the new people I'm getting to know. I guess that's why I take my time in calling people one of my best friends as 'people who matter - don't mind, and those who mind - don't matter'.

The people I would consider my best friends know me enough to know I don't give a shit about too much things. Maybe that's why I have one of the strangest bunch of people in my besties list. However, not everyone with a quirk can easily fit into the list. There are restrictions on whiners, people who are too narcissistic and/or too conceited, the kind that are too depressed, and the kind that ask the questions that are either too stupid that I'd ignore it, or is so stupid I can't answer without making them feel stupid after. Well so I'm being a bit narcissistic and conceited here... but I don't care because this is my blog after all.

Anyway, I personally don't know how many people in my besties list actually consider me in the same way, but I'm fine even if they don't because they're worth the time and effort I'd gladly give to them. I guess it's the 90%-10% balance thing that determines who you'd consider your best freind, or at least I do. I'm sure if someone who doesn't even return 10% when you've given 90% is not worth keeping. While the people I'd call my besties have given back at least 90% themselves.

Now, what I wonder is if some people know that I don't think of them as my best friend, and if some even know that I actually loath going out with them. If you don't know that I don't really care what people think, don't consider yourself my friend. If after 5 years you still can't spell my name right even when I have it spelled out in full then don't consider yourself my friend. If you don't know after 3 years that my ANNUAL Christmas party is held on the 24th of Dec, at the same location, and especially after I told you about the menu, u know the drill. Don't try to send me on the guilt trip for things u can't remember because if I ever find out the truth, the guilt trip you'll be sent on on might kill you inside. Don't try to tell exaggerated stories to try and see how gullible I am, because I honestly didn't bother listening to your bullshit and was just nodding off as my brain took a nap. You people in this last group isn't even worth my 10%, which I rather just keep for myself.

Another Year Has Passed

Rochelle

Another year older & (hopefully) wiser.

Lucky I'm In Love With My Best Friend... Lucky... Arrrrgggh!

Love - how is it that one subject that is supposed to be on the other spectrum of hate can garner so much of it that it starts to frustrate someone?

Well this all started after a car ride listening to the particular song "Lucky" over and over again, that I've got to the point where I find the song and the subject rather disgusting. I would understand how some people say that they're in love with and marrying their best friend. But sometimes too much of a good thing is just not good.

Anyway, getting frustrated about the song and all is another story. What got me thinking was something Mandy said to Eddie this morning that made me realise a few more things about the treasured bunch I have, and all this jazz about being in love with your best friend. I can't remember what exactly Mandy said, but it was about the guy friends I invite to my xmas parties over the years. Then some sort of discussion in between and after narrowing everybody down, Eddie is the only single, available, heterosexual guy that is invited as my friend to the xmas party. That's also to say that he is the only guy that I can attach such labels to with regards to the people in my treasured list. So that's to say that if I should fall in love with my best friend, Eddie would be the only option. Well in this case, I'd say Eddie is the guy after my own heart. As he put it to someone before, I'm a female version of him. I could say I love him to bits as a friend, as someone with very similar interests, but when it comes to being in love with him, I'd say I don;t seem to be swinging in his direction. Plus I really would like to keep it that way as I seriously enjoy what I've got right now.

As for the other guy in the list, the 'problem' with him is that he's homosexual, or at least what I've heard anyway. Although he hasn't told me personally that he is, he's too effeminate for my tastes. Personality-wise, he's like my sister with regards to all the shopping, fashion, and vanity, and too fussy an eater for me to be in love with. As I've told Amy before, I don't care how handsome someone can be, but I can't stand a guy who's has more facial products alone compared to the hair, facial and body products I have in total. Ok, so that's a bit of an exaggeration but when we travel, his toiletries bag is at least twice the size of mine, and I'm not carrying travel-sized bottles of lotions. Anyway, what I love about him is his love for pastas. The man after my own stomach this time?

Then there's the one person that got me thinking really hard. The one person who looks and acts like a guy, but is a girl. Now she's the one that made me stop and really think of a whole lot of "what if" questions. What if she was a real guy? If she was, I think that I could fall in love with this one. Personality-wise, I'd say she has a lot of qualities that are right up there on my checklist. So what's the problem here? Other than having to turn lesbian, nothing really. As with all my other treasures, I love her as well, just that I'd rather not ever cross lines, complicate things, and lose a perfectly great friendship - which reminds me why the song disgusted me in the first place. Somehow I rather keep a great friendship the way it is than try to take it a step further, fail and have the friendship fall apart.

It's rather strange that among the 3 different personalities, they've got a strange mix of masculinity with femininity. Eddie is the man's man that is 'in touch with his feminine side' to a certain degree that girls seem to like to call him up for bridesmaid's duties... or maybe he's just good at entertaining and bargaining? Number 2 seems to have an equal balance of both ends, while number 3 is all female but seriously in touch with the testosterone running through her veins. :P

Merry Christmas One And All!

Hope Santa has brought you all the things you wanted.

Another Reason To Stick To SIA When Heading To Australia

So maybe I'm biased when it comes to the flights I decide to take while on holiday. Other than the miles I gain from my travels, I do like the fact that certain flights do come with your own personal entertainment. However, after reading that another Qantas flight goes into trouble after take-off, it just shows me that sticking to SIA to travel to Australia is a good choice.

25th July

2nd September

7th October

It's the 4th incident within the year, and those are the ones that were reported world-wide. Apparently it is because the airline is using really old planes. Well if that's the case, when will they start changing to a new fleet? Before or after a major crash?

Where Do You Think You Stand?

Some people are better off forgotten, some best if they're out of your life, others just need to show they're still alive, and a handful will be treasured for a lifetime.

In this time where almost everyone you know seems to be on some networking site like Facebook, it's not hard to find out the number of people you know. Just counting the number of people I know through school, and school-related activities, I've already got more than a 80. Add to that spouses that come into the picture later on, and friends of some of those friends you're closer with, and even some family of those friends as well. That adds up to over a hundred people. Then you head out to work and you get a few more people to add to your ever-expanding list. I could say the list is a genuine reflection of the people I know - basically acquaintances.

So now the question is, where do I draw the line in regards to adding people in my life? As proper friends that I would actually bother to spend time with and wouldn't mind keeping contact with that is. If anyone has ever bothered reading everything in this blog, they would probably figure out that I have a my "handful" already narrowed down. The people you love to bits and treat like your own family, and maybe even better than how to treat some of your own family.

Then there is the "general public" which I wouldn't mind setting a day aside to meet up with. They're the ones that I don't see for a rather long time, and maybe distance makes the heart grow fonder, thus meeting up seems to be a good idea at times. Somehow, there are a few of them that I've to be all fake with, and there are some that just irritates the shit out of me at the end of the day. Which leads me to wonder if these I should sometimes even bother going out with these people and just put them in the "just leave me a message" pile - the type that just has to 'update their status' to just show me they're alive.

Amy says I'm too soft-hearted when it comes to people I've made friends with. That I give in to too many people and not shoot them down enough, leading some to take advantage. Problem is, the handful know I've got a sharp tongue, and although I do use it with them, they know better than to do something so stupid as to warrant a lashing. It's just that the people who I end up being really fake with that are the ones that can't take too much sarcasm in the first place, therefore I can't be myself, and that leads to them thinking they've got me wrapped around their little fingers? Vicious cycle!

Sometimes I really do envy the fact that she can just cut off all ties with people she don't want to know anymore. I personally think that every person (and even animals) that steps into your life has some sort of purpose, good or bad. I do agree that cutting people off in your life is a necessity when the person seems to just bring you down in some way. However, I think that I should be cutting off more people and add those that piss me off too many times into the "junk" group. Most likely the people in this group wouldn't even realise that they should end up in the group because they're too full of themselves to start with. Even dating tips tell you that you shouldn't talk about yourself all the time and let the other person get something in once in a while. I think i just found out the reason why the very same people also seem to keep moaning about not being able to find the love of their lives.

Finally, the people who already left an impression but are better "erased out of your memory". The biggest problem with this group is that they've already made a big impact in your life and left such lasting memories that the simplest things can trigger all of them to come back. So I guess I've taken it well enough because there were a lot more good memories than bad, and even though I still hate how the situation ended, I find there's no use in staying angry when I did nothing wrong.

Oh.. and I can't forget the ones that are now just memories, but the ones you'd love to keep in "scrapbooks". The type that you would love to be able to share with the people you know for years to come, the ones who I've loved and lost through death, or maybe just the ones that came in and took my breath away.

Now time to figure out where people fit in my life. Since I'm in the mood for clearing things out, guess it might be good to take a look through and re-categorise the people in my life as well.

Doesn't Matter To Me

There was quite a bit of discussion the day after this piece of news was announced. As usual, there were varied views about how this cooling off period would affect the voting outcome during the general election. However, in my case, it wouldn't matter till MM Lee is out of the picture.

Even at 28, I've never got the opportunity to head to a polling station other than to accompany my mom when she did her part during the presidential election where the late Mr Ong won. For all the years I've been eligible to vote, the president was nominated, and no one ever dared challenge for control of the constituency I live in. Not to say I don't like the place I live in, but I wouldn't mind seeing some political campaigning go on here.

Maybe it's just to feel like you actually live in the same country? I guess the only other people who would understand would be those in the Marina area.

Getting Help Or Just In For The Free Ride?

Was watching a few shows that have been airing on weekdays between 1 and 6 in the morning, and an episode of "Food 911" that got me wondering if some people got themselves on certain shows because they truly needed the help? On this particular episode, the couple being helped seem to be more interested in eating than learning how to prepare it. It just happens that the host of the show brought them out to see how the masters of the trade created their pieces of work. What was disgusting to watch was that instead of taking notes on what the masters were doing, they showed more enthusiasm when the food was presented to them to have a taste. Worst bit was how they devoured the food like such gluttons, stuffing it into their mouths to the point their nostrils flare up just so they can breathe. And that was even before they tried their hands at making their own food. Maybe it's the strict hygiene practices that I've had to follow at work, or it's just the way this couple turns me off, but the way they did things just had me complaining to Amy about it.

Following this show was "Oprah", and it just shows the other end of the spectrum. The people featured on this particular episode desperately needed some help with their homes. Maybe they couldn't afford the home make-overs that was given to them, but the gratitude shown for what they've been given at least gives you an inkling of how much they have wanted, and needed, the help.

Well, if I was to be a bit more skeptical about people, I'd say that some people are really good actors who know how to win over people's hearts and tug at their pursestrings. However, it is not really hard to see the difference between someone who really needed the help, and someone who wrote in, hoping that they would get some freebie off a show. There are many shows that seem to be giving out help to people these days, especially after the economy took a turn for the worst. At the same time, you can see a few people who are writing in just to try their luck to get something. Maybe it's the 5 seconds of fame, or just tickets to watch a recording of the show, but creating a rather lame sob story isn't the best way to do it when there are a lot more people who really deserve the help.

I guess at the end of it all, it's how these people show their gratitude for the help they've been given. Some just take it for granted, as if they deserved to be helped. While the deserving ones always cherish the moment and whatever else that has been given to them.

One Last Breath @ 1043hrs

After going to bed at 7am, I was woken up by my mom's phone going off, and the strange thing was I heard her answer this call in a particularly sombre tone. Thinking it might be one of the stupid telemarketing people calling, I rolled over and dozed off. Mom came in a while later and asked if I'd like to follow her to the nursing home where my grandfather was staying in. Thinking it was another small issue, I just grunted my no. Then she followed the request by "Ah Kong dying already", to which I just grunted. I was still too tired to even turn in bed to ask her why this time it would be for real.

Still smooshing my face into the corner of my pillow, my thoughts started churning, and with all the calls that kept my mom's phone ringing, I couldn't sleep anymore. I was seriously considering sleeping in a little more, just to not see my grandfather take his last breath. However at the same time, I could not just let my mom go alone. She asked me to go, and there was a reason for it. With the thought in my head that it was better that he died, I rolled out of bed and changed to go out with mom.

Walking into the nursing home, we were asked to go straight up to the room without even having to sign-in, but with the elevator taking its time, I managed to get our details down even before it arrived. With the policeman outside a room, I was guessing that my grandpa had been moved from his usual spot. True enough, he was in the isolation ward, and we were greeted first by the policemen and EMTs. As mom went in first, I was still looking at everyone when I saw mom stop in her tracks, and jumped like she was shocked by something. I was still looking for my grandfather when I realised what had shocked my mom - laying on the bed was my grandfather with a blanket pulled over his head. Everyone didn't seem to know how to approach us until mom asked when he was pronounced dead.

Finally realising that we were not going to go into hysterics, everyone just went about completing their paperwork, taking their leave as they were done. Soon the doctor came in to certify him, and get all his paperwork done. I guess they aren't used to people looking them straight in the eye in this kinds of situations. Most probably they were expecting people who broke down and cried.

I guess after 4 family members and a dear pet dying, you end up crying another day. Or maybe it's just that this time, we were kinda waiting for him to take his final bow.

Bye Bye Ah Kong. Thanks for EVERYTHING you've given me in my life lessons.

I Think I'm Done

Well, I guess I'm happy with how the blog looks. It's simple enough and shows exactly what it's all about.

Now all I have to figure out is how to change the background for my travel blog.

Starting Your Life Together Cursed By The Neighbourhood?

So it has probably happened to everyone that is around my age - getting asked that dreaded question, "So when will it be your turn?", in reference to mrriage. Every time I get that question I'd answer that if I find someone to settle down with, I'll not have a wedding. If I didn't have to sign papers, I wouldn't even bother.

This morning's event just made it all more likely that I'll stick to my ideas. While here I was happily snuggled up in my bed, someone started honking their car horn, followed by another and joined in by a few more, which eventually ended as one big blast of horns for about 10 seconds. As if the first honk didn't wake me up, the group blast just made me start cursing at whoever was blocking the one-way exit (or so I thought). It didn't end there though. The idiots had to keep on honking as if honking would make whatever blockage disappear.

The horns stopped blaring after I heard some screaming, and I was glad for the person who got more annoyed than me to get up and curse, but again I was mistaken. The screaming continued, joined in by guys who were also shouting, and I just had to have a look at the clock. 7.30 a.m.! Bloody 7.30 a.m. on a Sunday morning and these idiots have to start a fight (...or so I thought again)! Then came the shout that made me realise what the fuss was all about...

"HUAT AH!!"

...and I was about to get out of my bed and shout something of my own in response.

My hopes of them ending their 'conversation' between the guys on the street and the girls from the apartment were dashed when the next thing I heard was "1...2....3... I want nobody, nobody... bak chiu..." Yeah "bak chiu" was what I heard, and I seriously wanted to give them black ones at that point. Now in the midst of wishing I had a deaf ear like mom, they went on to sing the damn thing two more times. Finally making the squealers in the apartment happy, the grunts made their way up just to create more noise.

Looking out of my house, I see that there were quite a few neighbours who were out wondering what the fuss was about, and the faces didn't seem all to happy about the noise these people were creating. Then I wonder how many neighbours were actually cursing these people just as I was? It could be just me, but I doubt anyone who was out partying last night, and people who planned to sleep in on their only day off in the week, would appreciate such a irritating wake up call. Weddings held under the block usually start getting lively at 10am, even funerals don't make as much noise as these idiots did.

So maybe you planned on telling the whole world you spent quite a bit on getting the ugly car for your special day, want to show off that you have the support from a good bunch of friends, that you're bride has an equally supportive bunch. Please, save the show for any other day except Sunday, or at least give some consideration for people who are resting even though you have opted to use up your Sunday. I know tradition sometimes need the people to get to a certain place by a certain time, but it didn't say to make so much noise that people start cursing upon you.

Now You Know Who You Are?

Another thing is I don't get where this stupid idea of blasting your car horn came about, but I know one thing is that the horns are supposed to be honked when the groom arrives back to the brides' parents' home, AFTER the bride has visited her new in-laws. NOT when you come to pick your bride up. If taking tradition into consideration, what horns were blasting when there were only carts pulled by horses/men in the olden days?

Guess for all of you who intend to get married and stick to traditional ways, be a little considerate as to the time and day which you decide to start waking the whole neighbourhood up. Or maybe you just don't think your marriage will last in the first place, and don't mind a few curses towards you both on the day you start your journey together?

The Pandas Are Coming!!

Finally, we won't have to travel by air just to get a glimpse of the black and white bears! Well, not just yet, but in a few year's time, we won't have to. Check this out!

To think I went all the way to Taiwan, waited in a long line, jostled with the crowd just to get see the bears long enough to take a photo, and then I had to move along with the crowd so that the rest in line behind me could get their turn.

Now they're going to be in the zoo for 10 years (that's if they cope well)! Yay!

To Caroline & Marc

Congratulations!

Welcome to the world Amberly.

Time For A Slight Change

Finally getting down to changing the look of this blog. Going to keep it as simple as possible and less cartoonish. Guess maybe I'm trying to make it reflect more of the person I am now. Only problem is I'm not really good at this whole html, css, xml, xhtml (blah blah blah) that the new blogger layout is using. I need help, and Homer^ doesn't cut it. Hope it doesn't take too long!

Back To Reality

To Dawn & William

Congratulations!

Welcome to the world Myron.