Guess There Was More Food Over The Rainbow Bridge

The sad news came early in the morning that my sister and brother-in-law had to put their sweet goofy girl down as her internal injuries were too much for the rest of her body to handle.

She was a crazy little one that seems to get herself in trouble for her greediness, eating sticks and tearing her throat when she was a pup. Almost killing her then, but her greediness got her out of that one as she obviously had food on her mind more than any pain can stop her.

She stole loaves of garlic bread, slices of pizza, a box with the lava cake in it (yes, all food) and she definitely stole our hearts.

I think she's part python. Other than always willing to eat, she's always trying to keep warm, either snuggling next to you, or lying in your spot after you left the bed, or catching every bit of sun she can get (sometimes overheating).

Oh Shadow girl, what did you go eat this time?

Well I hope you're having a ball with the rest of the doggies, sunning your days away and eating everything you couldn't down here.

Happy Sunbathing "Big Paw"! R.I.P. :''(

R.I.P. Mr Lee

He created a modern city from a filthy island and that is what I appreciate most about what he has done in his lifetime. No matter what people might say about his tactics about getting things done, it has been done. 

“I am often accused of interfering in the private lives of citizens. Yes, if I did not, had I not done that, we wouldn’t be here today. And I say without the slightest remorse, that we wouldn’t be here, we would not have made economic progress, if we had not intervened on very personal matters – who your neighbour is, how you live, the noise you make, how you spit, or what language you use. We decide what is right. Never mind what the people think.”

Appreciate the fact that we can travel far and wide, have drinkable water on tap no matter how high we live, no chewing gum stuck to out behinds, have cool public restrooms, yet still have our flora and fauna to enjoy. 

“Even from my sick bed, even if you are going to lower me into the grave and I feel something is going wrong, I will get up.”

May he rest in peace. 

I Thought I Had A Little More Time

Received a really sad message on my phone this morning that informed me of the passing of my former colleague from my hotel internship. Eugenie was working there as one of the two main telephone operators and she was one cool lady who partied with us, and was not shy about anything.

After I completed my internship, she seems to have been dealt a really bad hand when it came to her health. There was also a time where she had two heart attacks and was on the brink of death but managed to fight back.

Recently, she fought cervical cancer and was doing quite good. That is, until recently when it seems that her organs were failing her. Just two days ago, I just asked how she was doing and I received a call from her brother informing me that she was not doing so good, and had been in the hospital for the last three weeks. She had had a stroke and with her failing organs, it sounded quite grave.

I was actually planning to visit her this afternoon and instead was told about her death. I just hope that she can finally rest in peace now.

Goodbye Genie.

Final Resting Place

We left Weymouth right after breakfast and drove as fast as possible (trying not to go over the speed limit) to Lymington. It was important that we did not miss our Wightlink ferry to the Isle of Wight as today we were interring Grandpa's ashes. His wish was to have his ashes interred next to Grandma's and that was in Northwood Cemetery, which is also where most of Grandpa's family is buried. 

After picking Granduncle Geoff from his home, he directed us to the cemetery, and we met up with the funeral directors from the Co-operative Funeralcare and the volunteer from the Friends of Northwood. Everything had been prepared and all we had to do was pass them the casket and whatever else we wanted buried. We managed to find Grandpa's first pair of shoes and they placed it nicely with his ashes. There was a short prayer read, and we each took turns to throw in a little bit of soil as we let him rest in peace. 

We also found a rather unique picture of them that had been printed on ceramic, and mom thought it was the best thing to put at the grave as it would be able to withstand the weather for a few years. We asked them to set it into the ground as they covered up the grave and it was done really nicely. 

The only thing we forgot was to get some flowers. 

Time To Say Goodbye

It has been over a month since Grandpa passed away, and the day has finally come for us to say goodbye. The day started out wet, and we were hoping that the rain would go away before the funeral started but it seem to be getting heavier as we looked for all his photo and medals for his memorial. Finally, when it was time for us to head over to the church, the heavy rain lightened to just a drizzle. 

We got to the church and it felt a little odd when everyone turned around as we walked into the hall, but I guess some were curious as to what the family looked like since most have never met us. The requiem mass was done according to Grandpa's wishes, and it felt solemnly grand. Eulogy was given by Father Stephen Geddes, who peppered it with some interesting details that even we did not know about. The weather cleared up while we were in church, and the sun came out as his coffin was brought out to the hearse. The bishop and deacons said their final prayers as we all shed the tears we had been holding back, then it was time to head to the crematorium. 

It was a short ride to the crematorium and only a few friends came to see him off. I thought it was odd that Pearl asked if they could come to the crematorium, but I think only family usually attends this bit. He was brought into the hall with "Don't Worry, Be Happy" playing, and I think it lifted everyone's spirits. In attendance were Grandpa's old navy friend, his fellow inmates from Swannery Court, Ray, Pearl and Paddy, and Father Geddes saying the last goodbyes and prayers. Everything was over and "Time to Say Goodbye" started to play. 

I did not realise they cleared everything from the coffin until I saw the yellow rose and carnation spray outside with Grandps's name behind it. We did not really know what to do with it and decided to leave it with the church instead. We then head back to the church, where all the others had stayed, to attend the wake. I was really looking forward to the food because we had not eaten anything since breakfast and the day had been draining, however, we still had to "entertain" the people who came to mourn Grandpa. The were those who were genuine, and those who just wanted to get some gossip, but I just stuck to eating and whoever wanted to interrupt me, tried while I stuffed my hungry self. 

Once everyone left, we made our way back to the room and were quite glad that everything was done and all went well. Now we were just left with interning his ashes. 

In Loving Memory

How do you tell if someone has really passed on these days when the only clue you have is from someone leaving a condolence message on their Facebook page? That was exactly how I found out about my dear grandpa's death, and the only confirmation I had was through a news article I found while trying to find a way to get in contact with someone in England. Finally the lady who left the message replied my enquiry and it was just great that she happen to be living right across from the first person I thought of while finding out about his death. 

Well in all confusion, frustration and sadness about grandpa's death, it is good to know that there are a whole lot of people who loved him as well. Seems like every where he went, he managed to make a few good friends. 

Rest In Peace Grandpa. Hope you're with grandma and smiling that big, beard-covered smile. 

Rest In Peace Eric Chung

Even though we didn't keep in touch much, it was still good knowing you. One of the big brothers in our class who always tried to see the brighter side of life. May your soul be at peace. 

Hope You're At Peace Now

For all the years you have suffered due to whatever reason, for the past week that made you decide to take your life, I hope you were happy at least during the last trip to Thailand. I hope that you at least enjoyed the friendship you had made with the few of us.

May you rest in peace now and your smile live on in our memories.

Goodbye Harmoko.

Such A Sad Day, I Lost My Focus

As I was getting ready for work this morning, a call came through Mom's phone from Dad. Strange, especially when he only calls her during Saturdays, and sometimes he forgets. So when Mom asked "what news" and her eyes got teary, I knew that Grandma passed away.

Throughout the day, questions were going through my head wondering how we will arrange to get to the UK again, when will we leave and when I would come back, how long it would take to settle the manpower situation for the outlet and so on. Not forgetting the billion calls that came in just about work crap, getting stuff ready for the meeting with the bosses.

Didn't even know where I was driving half the time. I took 2 wrong turns today - Seriously what the hell?

Guess I'm glad I managed to see her before she passed on, but I'm sad for Grandpa who has to deal with this all on his own, just 5 days after we left him to get back.

Day 15 - The Person You Miss The Most

Well, the one I miss the most really isn't a person, but is actually my first dog Daisy. She was brought into the family in 1989, just few months shy of a being a year old, and quickly wormed her way into our hearts. She was so small that she could fit right on my dad's hand, and would sleep right behind me every night to keep warm. It's amazing I never squashed her in my sleep, but I guess she was quick to move out of the way when I had to move.

She grew up to learn a few little tricks, one of which was stealing food. She was stealth and smart. 2 qualities that helped her steal water chestnuts right from under where my dad was peeling them, bak kwa from the plate where my dad would leave them to cool, and almost got to a whole packet of chicken rice but her plan was foiled when the cover of the container popped and caused the plastic bag to rustle.

She also grew up learning never to mess with my mom's endless balls of crochet wool, and in return, claim one of mom's special patchwork blankets as her own.

In her later years, even with her eyes failing her, her nose still helped her navigate through the house, and would be able to sit patiently next to you for one of the chocolate Hello Panda snacks no matter how quietly you opened the pack.

We wondered how long she would live, and then came the night when everyone was home, she howled like she was in pain, and after everyone gave her a bit of attention, she passed away.

R.I.P. Daisy 

7 Dec 1988 - 25 Oct 2003

Where Do You Think You Stand?

Some people are better off forgotten, some best if they're out of your life, others just need to show they're still alive, and a handful will be treasured for a lifetime.

In this time where almost everyone you know seems to be on some networking site like Facebook, it's not hard to find out the number of people you know. Just counting the number of people I know through school, and school-related activities, I've already got more than a 80. Add to that spouses that come into the picture later on, and friends of some of those friends you're closer with, and even some family of those friends as well. That adds up to over a hundred people. Then you head out to work and you get a few more people to add to your ever-expanding list. I could say the list is a genuine reflection of the people I know - basically acquaintances.

So now the question is, where do I draw the line in regards to adding people in my life? As proper friends that I would actually bother to spend time with and wouldn't mind keeping contact with that is. If anyone has ever bothered reading everything in this blog, they would probably figure out that I have a my "handful" already narrowed down. The people you love to bits and treat like your own family, and maybe even better than how to treat some of your own family.

Then there is the "general public" which I wouldn't mind setting a day aside to meet up with. They're the ones that I don't see for a rather long time, and maybe distance makes the heart grow fonder, thus meeting up seems to be a good idea at times. Somehow, there are a few of them that I've to be all fake with, and there are some that just irritates the shit out of me at the end of the day. Which leads me to wonder if these I should sometimes even bother going out with these people and just put them in the "just leave me a message" pile - the type that just has to 'update their status' to just show me they're alive.

Amy says I'm too soft-hearted when it comes to people I've made friends with. That I give in to too many people and not shoot them down enough, leading some to take advantage. Problem is, the handful know I've got a sharp tongue, and although I do use it with them, they know better than to do something so stupid as to warrant a lashing. It's just that the people who I end up being really fake with that are the ones that can't take too much sarcasm in the first place, therefore I can't be myself, and that leads to them thinking they've got me wrapped around their little fingers? Vicious cycle!

Sometimes I really do envy the fact that she can just cut off all ties with people she don't want to know anymore. I personally think that every person (and even animals) that steps into your life has some sort of purpose, good or bad. I do agree that cutting people off in your life is a necessity when the person seems to just bring you down in some way. However, I think that I should be cutting off more people and add those that piss me off too many times into the "junk" group. Most likely the people in this group wouldn't even realise that they should end up in the group because they're too full of themselves to start with. Even dating tips tell you that you shouldn't talk about yourself all the time and let the other person get something in once in a while. I think i just found out the reason why the very same people also seem to keep moaning about not being able to find the love of their lives.

Finally, the people who already left an impression but are better "erased out of your memory". The biggest problem with this group is that they've already made a big impact in your life and left such lasting memories that the simplest things can trigger all of them to come back. So I guess I've taken it well enough because there were a lot more good memories than bad, and even though I still hate how the situation ended, I find there's no use in staying angry when I did nothing wrong.

Oh.. and I can't forget the ones that are now just memories, but the ones you'd love to keep in "scrapbooks". The type that you would love to be able to share with the people you know for years to come, the ones who I've loved and lost through death, or maybe just the ones that came in and took my breath away.

Now time to figure out where people fit in my life. Since I'm in the mood for clearing things out, guess it might be good to take a look through and re-categorise the people in my life as well.

One Last Breath @ 1043hrs

After going to bed at 7am, I was woken up by my mom's phone going off, and the strange thing was I heard her answer this call in a particularly sombre tone. Thinking it might be one of the stupid telemarketing people calling, I rolled over and dozed off. Mom came in a while later and asked if I'd like to follow her to the nursing home where my grandfather was staying in. Thinking it was another small issue, I just grunted my no. Then she followed the request by "Ah Kong dying already", to which I just grunted. I was still too tired to even turn in bed to ask her why this time it would be for real.

Still smooshing my face into the corner of my pillow, my thoughts started churning, and with all the calls that kept my mom's phone ringing, I couldn't sleep anymore. I was seriously considering sleeping in a little more, just to not see my grandfather take his last breath. However at the same time, I could not just let my mom go alone. She asked me to go, and there was a reason for it. With the thought in my head that it was better that he died, I rolled out of bed and changed to go out with mom.

Walking into the nursing home, we were asked to go straight up to the room without even having to sign-in, but with the elevator taking its time, I managed to get our details down even before it arrived. With the policeman outside a room, I was guessing that my grandpa had been moved from his usual spot. True enough, he was in the isolation ward, and we were greeted first by the policemen and EMTs. As mom went in first, I was still looking at everyone when I saw mom stop in her tracks, and jumped like she was shocked by something. I was still looking for my grandfather when I realised what had shocked my mom - laying on the bed was my grandfather with a blanket pulled over his head. Everyone didn't seem to know how to approach us until mom asked when he was pronounced dead.

Finally realising that we were not going to go into hysterics, everyone just went about completing their paperwork, taking their leave as they were done. Soon the doctor came in to certify him, and get all his paperwork done. I guess they aren't used to people looking them straight in the eye in this kinds of situations. Most probably they were expecting people who broke down and cried.

I guess after 4 family members and a dear pet dying, you end up crying another day. Or maybe it's just that this time, we were kinda waiting for him to take his final bow.

Bye Bye Ah Kong. Thanks for EVERYTHING you've given me in my life lessons.

Footprints On The Heart

What is the use of having a best friend when we all die in the end? Does it not just give one more person to get hurt or feel lost when your time has come? So the thoughts might be a little bit morbid but the question popped into my head one night and I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

I guess it came out because of Adi's soccer coach, Bernard, who collapsed at a game and never recovered from the stroke he had. Well we all know life is unpredictable and if it's your time to go, you'll leave one way or another. As it can be seen on the multiple messages for him to fight through and recover, and then followed by all the condolence messages, it's quite obvious that he's touched quite a few lives. These people, however, are mainly the players in his team, and people who know him through the game. What I'm wondering, is that how many people that he'd call his best or closest friends in school have kept in touch long enough to know that he's passed on.

During my grandmother's wake, the people I saw were mainly old neighbours, friends of relatives, and of course, relatives. So maybe due to her age, or more precisely the era when she was born, school wasn't a necessity and you don't even hear stories from her about having a close childhood friend. Furthermore, she was married and already a mom when she was still a teenager. As for my uncle's wake, I wasn't really sure who was there, but I knew that there were people close to him like best friends who paid their last respects. My uncle, however, died before he was even 50, and I guess that would be considered young compared to the age people tend to live to now.

Then there's my mom's case. She doesn't seem to talk about any one particular friend she had in school but I know of a group of girls she kept in touch with till the few years just after I was born. So I wondered how many people will I keep in touch with and for how long? As it is, I'm cutting people out of my life as some are seriously dead weights and just pull u down in life. I know the people I'd like to see to the end of my time, but I'm questioning if it is even possible. Although communication with each other has significantly been made easier than before, there are times when people just give up on using new gadgets. Then there are people you know from work, and you wonder if they're keepers or the friendliness just ends once you depart from the company?

There's also the bit about knowing if any of your friends have passed on. Especially now when I don't read the papers that often, getting my news either from tv or the net, I don't really get a glimpse of the obituaries. (Told you it's a bit morbid) It's not that I think friends of mine are gonna start dropping dead anytime soon, but death is something that is almost always unexpected. I was thinking more into the future, when (hopefully) we're all old and passing our time in some nice way (wheelchair racing perhaps?), if we would even remember the people we now call our best friends? If we do, would we be able to make the effort to head down to pay our respects?

In the end, it all boils down to the fact that a death of someone I know, even as briefly as Maria (Shirley's mom), or Bernard (Adi's coach), still affects me somehow. No matter how many unexpected deaths you hear about, you still feel the bit of loss for the family once you've gone through your own.

10 Years On....

In memory of my PoPo

She would have been 77 years old, a great-grandmother to 5, and probably still having mahjong sessions at the house every weekend.

Living Will

My Living Will... with reference to a previous morbid post

I, Christiana, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass Secondary school Science if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:


Chocolate
Peppermint On Ice
Chocolate
Diet Coke
Cold Beer
Chocolate
Pasta Aglio Olio
Seafood
Chocolate
Any Food
Chocolate
Diet Coke
Coffee
Pepper
Chocolate
Ice cream
Cup of tea
Chocolate
Diet Coke
Sex
Chocolate

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day.

My First Love

It's been 2 years, and I still love you.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
ANGEL OF MINE

Time To Say Goodbye

It was two years since we last saw them and after a few weeks they had to make their way back to the UK once again. The few weeks were well spent though with nice dinners at home, a trip to pay our respects to the dearly departed, as well as visiting places that most tourists aren't interested in. Following them on one of the trip with my camera, here's a few highlights of their visit.

Paying respects to Uncle Leonard (R.I.P.):





Getting Help From The Gardener



Talking a stroll @ Bukit Chandu:




















At the airport:



Grandpa (R) & Dad


Grandma (center), Her Friend & Mom



Free video hosting, video codes at www.vidiLife.com

Distance does make the heart grow fonder.

Goober the Hamster

He be resting in peace now.

I think he died in his sleep. Doesn't look like he committed suicide.

Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom

A rather hard book to finish due to the fact that it brought on so much pondering and thought, as well as emotions.

Just cos of this book I've been wondering

1. about death.
2. about the people in my life who have passed on.
3. if my living grandfather actually desires someone to just talk and listen to.
4. about regrets.
5. about letting go.
6. about the people I have left.

Why did I think about death? The book was basically about the death of an old man and how he dealt with it. Thing is, not everyone has that opportunity to know how long more u have before u kick the bucket. Some people just go and u get the shocking news while u're going about ur daily life. But if we did have the opportunity to know when we're going to die, would we treasure it and squeeze every second of it to enjoy what and who we have or will we just whine and wish to die faster? Another thing is, if someone died, would we ever regret the things we said to them? Or would u be happy that the relationship ended on a really good note the last time u saw the person? Would you be remembered? So here's to making myself happy, keeping myself happy, and having happy goodbyes to the people I'm parting ways with, and having a good time with them before that. Might be morbid, but if I happen to die, at least I died with a happy heart. :)

Just got me remembering the ones close to me that have passed on.

• A schoolmate, my sister's classmate, Florence. Cute, adorable, chubby, cheery Florance. I make fun that my sis killed her by breaking her heart, but it still pains me no matter what to have such a young life taken away from the world who would have loved her. Maybe it was better for her, with her weak heart, to go before she had it broken. She was the first death and it shocked me. I doubt she knew it was her last day, and had my sister knew, she would have apologised for being that harsh while trying to look out for Florence's welfare.
  
• 4 years later, I learnt what horrible, blood-curdling shrieks felt and sounded like. It's not someone getting murdered infront of me but rather a rabbit I bought. We took it out to give it some grass for a minute and the next thing I know is that the rabbit is dead. Killed by my grandmother's cat, just it's natural animal instinct. The problem with the death is that the rabbit didn't die instantly and it was gasping for air. Not a very nice sight. But it was too late to save the poor thing and my grandmother managed to put it out of it's misery. I guessed I've erased that bit from my memory as I can't remember if she suffocated it or broke it's neck. I'm hoping it's the latter, being quick.
  
• That same year, while getting ready for school, we got a phone call and learnt that my uncle, Jeffery, died in a car accident. My sis and I went to school anyway but were picked up from school & brought to the void deck where they held the funeral wake. I can't remember the last thing I said to him but I do remember the last thing he asked me to do was squeeze his hand. He was testing how strong my arms were. I didn't cry over his death like my mom, aunts and uncles were. Not the very first time I saw the casket being brought in, nor the first time I saw him lying in the coffin, oddly, smiling. I cried on the 3rd day, when it was a competition day for me. I gave up the competition, I guess I stopped pushing myself towards the competition and finally just let go. Maybe it was also shock.
• Two years later, although I didn't know the boy, I saw him get knocked by a car. The force of the accident caused him to fly into the air and do a summersault. I guessed he probably died. It doesn't bother me if he died, I guess, cos of the fact that I didn't know him. But it was a first hand view of what happens when a person is hit by a car. Guess it sparked my interest into gore.
  
• 2nd year of college saw the passing of my grandmother, Patricia, after a week in hospital, in a coma after a stroke and complcations from goodness knows what. I don't want to bother with what killed her, she's dead. The week, which coincided with my exam week, saw me studying in the lounge, taking turns with family members to visit her once in a while. With the loss of her body functions, she would soil herself unknowingly and they would spray this air freshener to hide the smell. This got to me in the end as I totally disliked that smell when someone used, so much so I wanted to throw the whole can away. The last thing I got her? A bowl of salad without a dressing. Do I regret that? Yes and no on the dressing. She was on a restricted diet and wanted a fruit or salad. So I got her a salad and since they only had mayo-based dressing I didn't get any. But as she ate it, she told me "This would be better with a little bit of lemon juice or vinegar." How stupid of me not to think that she could have that for dressing. Do I regret that? I honestly can't tell. She died on the eve of the day I planned to go to Tioman. I slept through the boat ride there, didn't have fun the 2 days there, and just had too much thoughts in the boat ride back. I only broke down on the very last day, when we were following behind the casket.
  
• Next was my uncle, Leonard, my dad's bro. He wasn't very close but I liked him just as much. He was a big jolly guy with a good appetite for good food. One of the people who inspire me, who I sometimes aspire to be career-wise. Thinking now, I can sometimes be a little like him when it comes to keeping to myself, but he was much more quiet than me, or maybe my parents are proud to tell the world about my sis and I. Only until weeks before his death did my family find out that his daughter actually got married and already had a daughter, who by then was 7. Then one night while wondering how he was, we get a call and we made our way to his home. He was layed on his bed, wrapped in a white cloth facing the east. He was given Muslim rights. They showed my dad his face and all I saw was my late grandfather, whom I only remember from photos. That fact even my dad and cousin Andy agreed on. He passed away because of a brain tumour. The thing I didn't like most was the way they treated my dad just because he wasn't Muslim. That aside, I rather miss him, although I would've liked to get to know him better. But because I didn't know him that well, I guess I didn't really cry. I was sad, but I didn't cry. I thought then my waterworks were immune to family deaths.
• That was until my first dog, Daisy, died. Felt like your own family died. None of us absorbed the fact till she was sent to be cremated. I cried the next day on my way to work. The cab driver must have thought that I was a nutcase. Fine one minute and crying like my family died the next. If he knew he might have brought me home instead of to work. But I got out, went to work and cried the whole of my break time. I was sobbing, tears running down my cheeks, just standing at the doorway staring into the sky, into empty space. I just became numb that day and the week after. She's still the one that bring tears to my eyes when a certain song comes on and the memory of her is brought up. Can't even talk about her with tears not welling up in our eyes. Thing is, there's nothing to regret. I'm happy she died in her sleep. But I guess it's the loss of companionship, the memories, the odd things she did that made us laugh/smile/love her so much that make us mourn her longer. Even with another dog, or actually two, they can't replace that loss. I dread the day I lose my next 2.
• The last funeral wake of a relative was for my grandaunt, Violet, my grandmother's 2nd sister. In between were the funerals for some of my grandmother's brothers. We weren't really close to her. In fact, we thought she was a lil loopy. But she was nice as a person, giving and sweet. She died in her sleep when her god-son, my uncle, was visiting from Perth. The whole time I guess he was running away from the wake and we were also spending time with him to help him not think too much about it. Finally on the last day, I tried not to cry, but when all the drama from my 1st grandaunt started, everyone just cried. Guess it's that memory of the pain that comes with losing someone u cared for and loved came flooding back to sympathise with my 1st grandaunt, more than to mourn the loss of my grandaunt Violet.
  
• In between there were the odd hamsters that died. Never cried, but I felt sad. They didn't live long enough to touch the heart. But now there's one that's on the edge and he's not letting go just yet. I just hope he dies in his sleep.
  

My grandfather,Leng Huat, before his stroke, was a man who had many wise sayings, wisecracks and the average amount of grandfather stories about the person he was talking to. Then came the shocking news that he had a stroke the day after my birthday party. Just the night before he had been laughing and drinking beer, enjoying memories with my dad and uncles. With the lack of functions in his jaw, among other parts of his body, he stopped telling stories for a while. Or maybe it was just that my grandmother would tell him what he wanted to know. Then when my grandmother passed on, he started asking about us, telling us jokes when he saw us whenever we were there for a visit/party. The grandfather I knew was back, minus the health. This went on for a while until just recently when he seemed to have deteriorated somehow. Like he lost his spirit, his will to live. Like he can't be bothered with himself and what the people around him think of him. He looks like he has a lot to ask, a lot to say. But it looks like he doesn't know where to start, or how to start. I don't know where or how to start either. I just wonder if he actually recognises us at all at the moment or has old age, the stroke, the lost of memory and senses taken over. If he has anything to tell/ask us. Something in which us young dumb ones won't find out till we reach his age, or will never find out before we die ourselves? Or just a joke I've never heard before? Would I regret not knowing if I didn't find out? I know, at least, what he wants done with his ashes.

"I want my ashes to be scattered into the sea..... so my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren can grow fat on the fish that feed on it."

Do I regret doing or not doing anything in my past? Yes I have but then I have to let it all go. It's all in the PAST and I guess it should be left there. If I changed what I did, I wouldn't have met the people I know today and I might actually have ended up in a mental institute. What I guess I feel was that I would have liked to have known some people better before they left.

1. My Grandfather, Anthony
2. My Uncle, Leonard

So now all I can do is find out about them from people I don't know much about either.

1. My Grandmother, Joan
2. My Cousins, Effandy & Anita
3. My Aunt, Iza

As well as get to know them and hopefully keep closely in touch. And there's a few more people I would still have to work on

1. My Grandfather, Wilfred
2. My Friends

I hope I don't take too much of ur time or attention that others might be offended.