Back But Not For Long

Gut Feelings

Chatting with some friends of mine, I realise that it's not first impressions that actually tell you if you should keep that person as a friend, but rather, it's better to go with your gut feeling. I'm not saying that going through thick and thin with someone isn't a good way to know if you've got a good friend beside you. However, there is a handful of people that you just know you'll never be friends with, no matter how many times people want to try and reassure you that the person just has a quirk. Having a quirk is one thing. being lame is another. I've got a load of friends who I treasure and each of them has at least something odd about them. None of them, however, give excuses for any opportunities that they've missed, no matter how small.

This one person, whom I've not liked since school for some odd reason, is the main focus of this post. I still remember that she was the first one I spoke to during my first day in school, and I clearly remembered frowning at her because I gave up asking her to repeat herself as she just didn't stop mumbling. Since that very day, I've treated her as a classmate and nothing much more. Some of my friends in class would tell me to give her a chance, to get to know her, and that she's probably trying to get to know me better. So even after years of knowing this person, I never really got to know her.

Finally we started chatting and I got to understand her a bit more, and maybe I've found out too much about her character that she hasn't actually realised. Other than being needy, which I seriously cannot tolerate, she is constantly putting herself down for things that might not even involve her. Another thing is the snooping that she seems to try and do, and thinks that two people she keeps asking about don't see what she's doing. Why is it that some people just can't ask a question to the person who is directly involved and instead, goes to someone else for that information?

What got me really irritated is that she told the Mia something that involved me, which should really be a conversation between herself and I. However, she decided to contact both of us to set a date for something, but in the end, sent a private message to Mia and said that it takes so long just to get a day to meet up. Now how is it that when you're faced with 10 days to choose from, you only have the one-track mind to choose the date that I've already said I will be busy on? How dare you actually complain about it as well? Seriously, 10 days, of which 4 I've said I'm busy, then for the next 6, none of us are working, yet you can't choose any of the 6 available days to go out? The countless times that you've been asked to let us know if you'd be available on the dates we are have always ended with you either sending us stupid exclamation marks, no reply at all, or a quick dash to get out of the conversation. So if that's the case, don't point out the fact that you decided to pick the date where I have to work to meet up, and use that as an excuse for why it takes us so long to meet up.

In the first place, I don't even meet up with most of my best friends as often as you want to, and here you are, someone I didn't even treat as a friend in school, trying to meet up with me as often as possible to do something you think I like. You obviously don't know me well enough to know what I do when I feel a certain way. I don't shop or eat my problems away - I blog my problems away, cry all my anger out, and cook out all my stress.

I think in the end, my gut feeling about you was right - I should just stay away. If people want to stay friends with you, entertain you when you're feeling down just to hear u talking non-stop about something not many of us are interested in, then let them go ahead and do that. I for one, cannot be bothered to listen to you and your excuses, and escpecially won't stand for the fact that you constantly put yourself down even when you're told that you're not at fault.

Is your skull that thick?

Unfair Empathy

Em⋅pa⋅thy: the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Sometimes I wonder what is the cause of that feeling that comes once in a while to bug the shit out of me for days on end. How is it I'm so affected by just someone's mood changing?

Somehow when your mood went downhill, I felt like shit. Why did it feel like it was my fault that you weren't all too happy with what went on today? I don't get how is it that the weight of your world decided to land on my shoulders and eat me from inside out.

Is it worth it to know people that well? To know what it is like to walk a mile in someone else's shoes?

It's not to say that empathy is all that bad. There's a time and place for everything. And when it hit me while giving a hug to Shirley at her mom's funeral, that's fine. I know how it feels to lose someone dear, and when a hug led to tears that time, it's all right. It's normal, it's expected.

However, when someone else's feelings have latched on to you, and in the end, it leads to that sickening feeling like I have something to apologise for - that I'm actually the guilty party, that I caused whatever sadness/anger you may feel - that just isn't right. Why must it be that I feel that I'm in the wrong even if I didn't do anything to harbour ill feelings? Why is it that I have to find out that it's actually not me who is angry or sad and yet I've to let it out on my side as well, so that I can feel better?

I wonder what if one day someone were to feel my weight on their shoulders. Can anyone really bear the weight?

Off To Jakarta

Details here...

My First Partial Soccer League Photoshoot

After I got some idea to take photos of my best buddies to create something that I eventually want to have in my room, I asked Adi if I could take some photos of her in action during her soccer games. Unexpectedly, I ended up taking most of the games she played as I never really got the shot I wanted, though I did come close during training for the final match.

I started out on my uncle's camera at the old police academy, where Adi's team was to play the team from the police. Eventually the team started getting in on the photos, and even the coach was thinking of creating a team album.

I think I need another league to get the photo I want, but if it doesn't work out, I still have the photo I really like. At the end of it all, I still don't really enjoy watching soccer.

New Supporters

Kung Fu Fighting!

Practicing Dance Moves?

So This Is Thriller....

New Mascot With His Own Ball

Pole Dancing?

Mascot At It Again... With Another Ball

Cramping Up

Cramped & Unable To Move

Why Are You So Needy?

Alright. I've finally figured it out and pinpointed the problem that has got me into such a crappy mood. No matter how much I might like you as a friend, I cannot stand it once you get needy. I'm not talking about the few hours that you might need to unload some problem off me. I'm talking about the clingy, 'I have no one to hang out with', 'wish the day didn't end so quickly' kind of sickening need that just suffocates the life out of the one you decided to latch on to.

I know probably being by yourself can get extremely lonely, but don't you have things that you might need to do on your own one of these days? Don't you need your time alone? Well if you don't, I certainly do, and even if I'm not working on a permanent basis, doesn't mean I'm always that free to go out and cater to your every whim and fancy.

Worse part of it all is that you keep contradicting your own words with your actions. Somehow 'having a lot of things to do at home', and 'having to be home by a certain time' seem to fly out the window once we've met and there is definitely no rush to do anything when the attention is all on you. I wonder if you even think about the other people who have already asked for my time way before you, and even think that you're starting to impose on the time I've set aside for others.

Now I understand why I got so worked up when we travelled together. I guess with you I've to set the whole day aside and not even bother meeting anyone else even hours after the 'time you're supposed to be home'.

Sorry... I Never Told You...

I'm not exactly sure when it actually started building up but something was making me more and more frustrated to the point I almost blasted Adi for a little joke she made regarding an error in my text message to her. Later on when we were alone in the car I did tell her about it and laughed the whole issue away as we always do.

Somehow I still feel like I owe her an apology.

I know why/who actually got me frustrated. I probably even told her about the whole thing on the way back to her place. However, for that strange feeling that I have an apology to make is still like some weight swinging in my chest.

Maybe it is about some thing or another after clubbing? Maybe it's seeing her all tired out? Or could it be some empathy regarding the game?

Maybe we need to talk? Let me know.

Another Year Has Passed

Edith

Another year older & (hopefully) wiser.

10 Years On....

In memory of my PoPo

She would have been 77 years old, a great-grandmother to 5, and probably still having mahjong sessions at the house every weekend.

What The Hell?!?! I Don't Believe!!!

Having a car drive down the wrong way on a single-lane one-way road is something I see quite often when people try to take a short-cut out of the car park near my apartment. Seeing a car drive down the wrong way on a 3-lane carriage-way or highway is something I thought I'd only see in the movies.

Today would be the day that it actually happened and I think the stupid idiot actually thought I was going the wrong way! While the whole road was rather empty except for me and a taxi a distance away, the driver came down the furthest right lane and actually flashed his headlights at me as if I was in the wrong. The bugger must either be drunk (as it's the start of a long weekend), got his license from America or Philippines (or some other country where they drive on the opposite side), or he must be an idiot.

I guess he realised his mistake when he saw the taxi behind me, and the traffic on his left that was overtaking him across the center divider, which was when the signal came on in an attempt to find a way to make a turn. Well good luck buddy. You should have just done a U-turn and gone back up with the flow of traffic, turn to the AYE and turn off at Alexandra.

But I think it would be better if dangers to society like you just went straight, turned into the Queenstown police station and declare yourself unfit to drive.

Nothing Better To Do Than Stir Up Problems?

Was going about my daily surfing spree when this article caught my eye. The issue that didn't sit right was the quote "Chili crab is Malaysian. Hainanese chicken rice is Malaysian. We have to lay claim to our food,". Particularly "Hainanese chicken rice is Malaysian".

Now it's not for me to say where dishes like the Chilli Crab, Nasi Lemak, or Laksa originated from, but to say a dish named Hainanese Chicken Rice would originate from Malaysia and not China. It's like saying Penang Char Kway Teow or Penang Laksa originated in Johore. Then why bother calling it a Penang dish if it came from some other state?

The article then states "Some creations, such as chicken rice, were introduced to Malaysia and Singapore by ethnic Chinese workers who settled here after leaving China a century ago." - shouldn't this give you a clue where that very dish's origin is?

Other than a lot of other words that come to mind, I think this whole idea is ridiculous. Seriously.... is there nothing better to do?

Another Year Has Passed

Angie

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.

Taking A Break

Need a break. Gonna cook. Be back when I feel better.

Majulah Singapura!

Happy National Day Singaporeans!

Really enjoyed this year's National Day parade.

Another Year Has Passed

Derek

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.

They're Worth It (You'll Know Who You Are)

There are times when life gets really irritating/shitty/sickening/depressing/torturous/trying and you don't know what to do but turn to a certain friend (or two) to help get you back on track or just make you laugh the crap away. These are the times when you realise why you call some people your best friends. So I've never actually called anyone my best friend, and I guess the reason is that ONE best friend is not enough. I've always said I don't have a best friend, just a handful of really good ones. The ones that have gone through a bunch of crap with you, or just some that understand your situation when everyone else seems to not have a clue what you're talking about. The ones who are good enough to call family (or sometimes even better than family). The ones who are worth being labelled as your BEST friend.

Someone once asked why after being burnt that I would go walk through the same fire. I told her, that the fire is not always the same. It was one question that opened my eyes a little to the person that she was. That she was cautious enough to warn me that I might be doing something stupid once again, but at the same time, it let me know that she was considerate enough to know what I've been through and thread lightly.

Then the other day when the weight of all the week's crap came crashing down on me at work, she just was her usual self, entertaining me with her witty comments. What touched me most was that at the very end of the day, she sent a msg to ask if I was alright. A simple note of concern, a gesture that might not mean anything to some people, made me feel so much better. Although I didn't go on to tell her what it was that got me down, I still had to just thank her for being her.

Another would be the girl who accidentally became part of the handful. For 2 years in the same class, I was not really close to her due to a language barrier. Funny how time apart, depression, and irritating teachers can bring 2 people closer together. I honestly forgot what actually got us so close, but it was basically the late night/early morning chats on MSN that we got to know more about each other. Somehow chatting with her, I got to know about her problems, and she about mine. The one thing I remembered clearly was the one times I was so pissed off with my sis' boyfriend that I just sat at the computer, tears streaming down my cheeks, telling her what an inconsiderate arse he was. To think my dad always wondered why I was up at ungodly hours on the computer. Up till now, I'm still online at strange hours chatting away with her.

So on that crappy week, I was trying to get her online for a chat, knowing that somehow, she'll be part of the remedy. There was always something funny, or we would find funny, about anything we mentioned in our conversations. We always joked that anyone who looked through our conversation history will think that we were either high on drugs/laughing gas or just insane. However, due to a problem with our schedules and her phone, I just couldn't get to chat with her, leading to all the frustrations being built up within, just waiting to spill out (and it had to happen at work).

Even though I got to chat with her the next day, something just wasn't right. I guess maybe listening to my own head is still the way to go. I still need to blog about everything. To let all the crap out the way I'm comfortable and happy with. Up till now, I obviously haven't had the chance to let it all out, and it shows in my text messages. This time it was to another friend. A guy I always insist was a stalker with a creepy sidekick in school. That was how I noticed him anyway. Every week during school, I would hear some boy calling my name from behind me, and when I turned around, I would see him and the creepy one grinning like 2 idiots. I never understood what they were trying to do but I ended up in the same class with them in Sec. 3. That changed the whole situation as he could just approach me without looking like a stalker from another class. Then one day, he started giving me a weird nick-name, which I thought was some insult, until he told me it's what the gangsters call their leader (LIKE OMG!!!). He's still using the nick-name, and I've got used to it, even though I still find it rather embarrassing when he uses it among people I don't really know.

Anyhoo, we were texting back and forth on saturday and I asked if he would be free to go out for a drink. Something about my insistence made him wonder if I had something to talk to him about. Me being me, I said I didn't have nothing in particular, but now thinking about it, I probably had something to rant about. I guess that someone in pain doesn't really have to listen to anyone else's pain, and just decided to meet up another day.

So one of the things that actually got me down from from another girl who is also in this same handful of people. We met in Primary 5, when her school had to close down and move to mine. It was because I was crap in Chinese, and she was crap in Mathematics that we happen to end up in the same class. I honestly can't remember what happened in Pr. 5, probably it was too traumatic? But I do remember Pr. 6 rather well, and that as a class, there was this bunch of girls that hated her and tried to make her life miserable, and there was the other people who didn't like that bunch of girls. I think my role in Primary school was some sort of protector (maybe that's why I got the gangster nick-name?) and seems like whoever needed some sort of protection or sheltering ended up with me. I guess size does matter when it comes to bullying and being bullied.

Anyway, she sent me a message at work, asking if I was free for a chat but I told her I had to work till late. Even then, she called me after I was done to talk and I knew something really bad happened. She told me about a problem she had at home and after talking to her, it got me really sad. It's not like I didn't think that her situation couldn't happen to her. It wasn't because of what she thought of as the problem in her life. It was the fact that she could think of killing herself just because of someone else, or the thought of losing that someone. Maybe it's because I feel that I can't lose her in my life just yet that it affected me so much? Or maybe it was just that she actually thought of such a stupid thing to do just to end her misery? Is ending your life because of someone else's stupidity worth it? I'm partly glad I got to talk to her, but the sadness and pain she's going through is heartbreaking to me. It's probably why they say that you cannot counsel people who you are related or close to. It's not that you can't help the person with the situation. I think it's more that the situation the person is in might affect you more than you think.

But going through this whole situation, blogging in the middle of the night just to get it all out even though I've to work in 6 hours, it's all worth it. These people are worth the all the pain that can come with life because they definitely bring the joy into my life.

Another Year Has Passed

Caroline M. West

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.

Why Do Good People Die Young?

In light of all the recent deaths around the world, Amy asked the question why the good people die young. As we all know, the biggest headliner when it comes to deaths this whole month is Michael Jackson. It's a bit hard not to realise that it seems like the grim reaper is doing the annual audit and taking stock - 3 plane crashes with almost all on board dying, all the celebrities that have passed on, the deaths in the riots & bombings. It seems like every year, there's a certain time that there seems to be a few mass deaths. Do note that it's about the 7th month of the Lunar calendar. Ok... so maybe that's grasping at straws. But back to Amy's question:

Why the good ones die young?

She had asked this as we were talking about Michael Jackson and Princess Diana, and the reason why so many people mourn their deaths. Other than the fact that they were both celebrities, the outreach they had was actually because they were charitable people, using their celebrity status to help the needy. So because of what we were saying prior to her question, my answer was that maybe we all had a certain amount "good points" to chalk up. Once we got to our required amount of points, it was time to leave the earth. But this is saying that the people died in accidents or through sudden health-related issues, not through some other people's hands.

But actually the email I got from here says it all:

A Dog's Purpose
(from the heart of a 6-year-old boy)
as Told by a Veterinarian.

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-oldIrish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up and said,

''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''


* * *

Dogs are born knowing how to:

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

So if learning the 4 points above means that you've achieved what you're put on this world for and that your time in this world is complete, then maybe that's why people feel that the good die young. The people who achieve this would be seen as 'good' in the eyes of others, and since they leave this world so suddenly (basically not expecting you to die of old age), people tend to think that their lives were cut short.

Well.. some sort of point system if you ask me.

It's The End Of The World!!

Be afraid... be very afraid....

"Of what?" you might ask.

Well.. be afraid of today if you believe the things being sent around in emails and of people's predictions the natural phenomenon will have on the world.

The first was the email about a tsunami hitting a few countries, and asking everyone to stay away from beaches. Well other than this email being very vague about the exact locations that will be "badly hit" by the tsunami, it does include a predicted location of the earthquakes. Now if the earthquake locations are true, and the tsunami is supposedly starting from that area, it will be one giant tsunami to hit all the way to Australia and India. Even with the unpredictability of water, if it does affect all the places listed, that tsunami would be big enough to wash the whole of Singapore. So soap up and get your life jackets on just in case.

Next would be the effect that the solar eclipse will have on the world today as predicted by the astrologer.

"Mumbai astrologer Raj Kumar Sharma predicted "some sort of attack by (Kashmiri separatists) Jaish-e-Mohammad or Al-Qaeda on Indian soil" and a devastating natural disaster in Southeast Asia.
An Indian political leader could be killed, he said, and tension between the West and Iran is likely to increase, escalating into possible US military action after September 9, when fiery Saturn moves from Leo into Virgo.
"The last 200 years, whenever Saturn has gone into Virgo there has been either a world war or a mini world war," he told AFP."

Honestly, I think what he said just gave the separatists/terrorists an idea of what to do today.

So what are we in for today?

Since he said the attack will be on Indian soil, and it's Iran that's going to be dealing with tension, I don't think we're in for a mini-war on our end. But the devastating natural disaster? Could he have received the email too? Is he referring to the tsunami? If so, like I said before, remember your life jackets today!

Another Year Has Passed

Kuka a.k.a Sudha

Another year older & (hopefully) another year wiser.